Dear Praise

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My hubby has a knack for soliciting for nude pix of ladies via bbm. He keeps apologizing each time I caught him and now he is telling me I should accept him the way he is. I don’t use helps again because he has slept with 2 in the past and am getting fed up. Please is there anyone with a similar experience that can help me.

Titilayo

Hello Titilayo,

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I can imagine what you must be going through at this stage and want you to know that you are not as powerless as you think. No man was born with bad habits it is something we all picked up along the way and the way we picked it up is the same way it can be dropped if we are willing to become responsible. I think your hubby may have tried several options at putting a stop to this addiction and has become frustrated. And that could have led him to his stance of accepting the condition as his fate. Trust me you man can get help but he must know where to get help because in Nigeria most people look for behavioral solution at prayer meetings. I know prayer works and God turns things around however God has also given men skills to assist people with addictive behaviors through therapy and recovery session.

If your man is willing I would be willing to assist him because there is a need he is trying to meet and there is something he is also running away from. The bigger question is what could he have been trying to pretend not to know in his quest to stop his addictive behavior?

There are quite a number of procedures he can be taken through which has been proven to be effective over the years so I’d suggest you find a way to influence him in getting help but you need to assure him of your support in his quest to get help. It is not at time to nag or talk him down though. Once there is willingness to be helped help will surely show up.

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I think you need to do something as a matter of urgency because the case is more like sex addictive behavior and there are several reasons for sex addictions which could range from past abuse to disempowering beliefs systems among others and we must be able to accurately diagnose what the real problem is.

A man that can sleep with 2 house helps is also a danger to your help and you also have a choice to insist he goes through some medical screening lest he infects you with a sexually transmitted infection.


 

Dear Praise,

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A sister of mine came to me in tears, narrating how her husband rained abuses on her, and accused her of being jealous of the husband’s younger brother. This resulted into physical violence from her hubby who stripped her naked all in the eyes and presence of the said younger brother who also is younger than the wife. This happened in Ketu Lagos and left me confused.
Please, I wonder, what more is left in this marriage.
Urgent advice needed pls.

Chioma

Hello Chioma,

This is a case of domestic violence which is can be reported to the police or agencies set up to handle issues like this. There could be more to this matter than what you have reported however there is no justification whatsoever for any man to strip a woman naked.

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A lot of African men get away with this because the women are made to believe they have no rights after marriage which is absolutely wrong because as a human being you have your fundamental human rights which must remain intact even when you take on the role of a wife in marriage.

Having said that I would suggest you lodge a report at the Ministry of Women affairs and poverty alleviation in Lagos state or report at the office of the public defender. There are other NGOs who work on domestic violence like Project alert that you can also contact on behalf of the woman.

It doesn’t also look to me like that would be the first time her husband would be subjecting her to such inhuman treatment so you may want to find out if it has been a constant occurrence in their marriage.

If the answer is Yes then advise her to separate from the man for now till his sanity is ascertained by a professional psychiatrist and then he has to sign an undertaking never to lay his hands on her again before they can come together again. I am sure the Lagos state government will take the man through this process as well.

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However a report must be lodged immediately because evil thrive when good people keep quiet because we are not bothered by what happen to others around us.

The covenant of marriage is good but the covenant of life is superior because it takes someone that is alive to love and remain in marriage.



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