[SISI WENDY] Is she just being nice or flirting with me?

There is a lot of misconception about being nice. The ability to possess such virtue is a gift and maybe even a talent. However, the misconception leads to a number of misunderstandings between couples and this shouldn’t be. First key thing is to understand your partner in areas pertaining to this so as to have a healthy relationship. Here are a few ones to look out for.

Being Nice vs. Not Being Nice. It is not important to be nice. A lot of people aren’t born nice. It doesn’t make them less human. They just do not possess the gene. The fact that your expectation of them is falling short doesn’t mean they deserve to be cast to the curb. If so, most humans in the world would be in that corner. However, a lot of people start life being nice but due to circumstances they stop being nice. The resolution isn’t to disregard them but to show them a lot of kindness, if you are the one that is nice, and let them know you care. Or allow them to break off the shell of not being nice. Once they know they can be comfortable around you, they might trust you enough to let that beautiful part of them show.

Being Nice vs. Love (I). The fact that your partner in a relationship isn’t nice doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t love you. They just might not possess the ability to express themselves properly. It can be annoying I know because you’d wonder if this is the same person who came to woo you into being an important person in their lives. What you don’t know is that most people go through the trouble of practising how to be nice at that period in time so as not to scare you aware. It could have only been possible because you, the recipient, have a good heart as well. If not that move wouldn’t have worked. Opposite likes do attract. I’ve seen some guys who do not have the friendliest girlfriends but their relationship is enviable. The magnitude of love that exists between such people are deeper than can be imagined. Always recognise the love within regardless of the physical non-attribute that they don’t possess. Your niceness should shine through him or her.

Being Nice vs. Love (II). Another name for this is friend zone or should I say the end product is. The misconception around this particular point is very common. Most people, men and women, try to be nice to the opposite sex but it gets misunderstood to be of feelings of interest thereby turning into hate when the gesture isn’t reciprocated. The fact that one is extremely nice doesn’t necessarily mean they share a similar love interest with the other. Most people don’t believe this but it’s true. Someone can actually be nice genuinely with no strings attached. The best approach to such is to maintain the friendliness that is being spewed and let things happen on their own accord. Never plunge and blame the other for the evil of unrequited.

Being Nice vs. Friendship. Yes, it is possible to be friends, even best friends, with someone who isn’t nice. My best friend would be reading this so I might as well say it – she is not a nice person. She can be mean, extremely mean but in a loving way. She fights for me when I’m in trouble, she’s the one person I can call and she’ll be available. She gives me stern advice; no she doesn’t mince words. She gives it to you as it is. If you expect her to rub your back and tell you what you want to hear in a situation that is clearly your fault, she won’t. She gives you the gospel truth. She makes sure you are on a reality check with life. She tells you out rightly you did wrong, even if you’re crying she’d tell you you’d feel better after and honestly, you do feel better after. You become a better person, in your way of life and living. So, yes, in certain times like this I don’t require her to be nice, I accept her for who she is and what she is to me as well as the benefits that come with it. Because at the end of the day you need that one person who tells you that the colour black is black and the colour white is whit and not grey.