Seven unwritten rules of dating in Nigeria

BY DAMILOLA COKER

Love is not for the weak, especially in Nigeria. To call a spade a spade, dating in a megacity like Lagos is an expensive venture with plenty of unspoken and unwritten rules you need to know.

By the way, you might want to keep it at the back of your mind that in a megacity like Lagos, “everybody is dating each other”. However, there is still hope and a reason there is a wedding party every Saturday.

While we do not know where these people “dey find this love”, we certainly know some of these invisible rules that would guide you on this journey of love.

Check them out for your own good:

• Talking stage:

Imagine a scenario where you meet the girl you like, walk up to her, get her to smile and even like you at first sight. Then you get her number and start to exchange “good morning” and “what are you up to” texts, memes or links to some hot tweets.

You have officially entered the talking stage and like we say on Africa Magic’s ‘What Will People Say‘, you are the seeker. But you have to keep in mind that this is a free zone, and you might not be the only one sharing Mr. Macaroni’s new skits with them. You have to be intentional about taking things a step further.

Remember, everybody is dating each other.

• Have you eaten?

This is a fundamental question in Nigerian dating. It can make or break your relationship or situationship.

No matter the stage you are in, always ask this vital question. ‘E get why’. Have you eaten is the Nigerian way of saying I care about you and might love you. It shows you care enough to find out if they have taken care of one of the basic needs to survive in life.

Pro tip: Send a surprise food package to them when the answer is no, even if it is from Lekki Phase 1 to Abule Egba. It is all about being intentional (LOL).

• Uber fare

If you are planning to go on a date, here are the boxes you need to tick:

Fancy restaurant ☑️

Good ambience (to set the right mood for your love talk) ☑️

Uber fare ☑️(Please note this is very important. Make it 40 per cent of your budget now that fuel is around ₦600 per litre)

Remember we told you that dating is not for the poor.

• Will you be my girlfriend or boyfriend?

The dates, hangouts, constant texting and love emojis do not mean you are in a relationship. It is IMPORTANT to know what you are to each other. You need to be sure that you are not dating yourself.

So, explicitly ask this question. You might want to join the new trend of having it spelt out on a cake or write a letter (it is coming back into fashion).

Again, be sure that there are two of you in that relationship.

• My view vs. his view

You know things have gotten serious when you see your babe post “my view vs. his view” on their socials. It is their way of showing you to the world, friends, enemies, fre-enemies and your other competitors.

Take it as a good sign, and do not question it.

• She said yes

The thing with dating Nigerian men is that they are very intentional when they want to take things to a higher level. They are better than the CIA in keeping things secret when they want to pop the “Will you marry me” question.

The next thing you see on their status is “she said yes” or the meme of that footballer waving goodbye. It is their sign of saying goodbye to other ships.

• Always be ready to get served breakfast

Again, dating in Nigeria is a near-dangerous venture. Always keep an open mind that things might not go as planned. You can get served breakfast any time. Just remember that you are not the problem. Your partner probably belongs to the street, so let them go.