If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you may not be taking being dumped by your ex well. You might be cutting yourself up with self-guilt, denial, or pride over the breakup and while these factors might be working out as coping mechanisms, their effects are bound to wear out eventually.
Let’s face the fact; being dumped sucks. The feelings of sheer shock, rejection and self-pity are bound to raise their ugly heads after one has been dumped.
Coupled with these feelings, the dumped party is expected by everyone to magically dust themselves up, pick up their lives, and move on with their lives.
While this expectation is perfectly normal, it is flawed in the sense that one might adequately explain how exactly a dumped person should “move on”. Should this individual keep in touch with their ex? Should they remain friends? These burning questions are perfectly normal for someone who just got dumped.
Following these five steps, one can get over the horrible experience of getting dumped.
Do not hold on to the hope of reuniting
It’s convenient to hold onto the hope that things can somehow work out between you and your ex. Thinking this way even after getting dumped isn’t crazy.
The human mind is accustomed to routines and familiarity. Hence, after a breakup, your mind might find it difficulty accepting that the routine and familiarity of the relationship with your ex has come to an end.
Your mind might attempt to create the illusion of getting back together just to make feel safe again and avoid the pain of a break up.
Couples break up and make-up every now and then and this does not mean it’ll be the same in your case. Once you have been dumped, think of things as they are: the end of a relationship.
Allow yourself go through every stage of your personal grief
Call up a close friend, treat yourself to a spa date, take a trip, but whatever you do, avoid suppressing the pain with denial or harmful substances.
Grief comes in various stages and every individual has a unique way of getting over hard times. Find out what your grieving patterns are and follow through them as long as they’re healthy.
If you suspect you cannot contain your emotions, contact friends, family or a certified therapist to aid.
Resist the temptation of contacting your ex
The urge to want to contact your ex is not an unusual feeling. However, it is best to cut off completely or at least minimize contact with your ex.
This precaution should be initiated whether or not you have the intention of keeping in contact with your ex.
You both need time and space away from each other to properly process your feelings and decide the next steps to take in your separate individual lives.
Depending on the circumstances surrounding your break up, should you be skeptical about your ability to keep off your ex, admonish your friends to help out. Delete (maybe block) social media pages, phone numbers, email address etc of each other. This way, the temptation of dialling, messaging, emailing or texting is slimmer.
Make sure to be attentive to the lessons learnt
The worst thing an individual can do to themselves romantically, is to ignore the lessons each romantic relationship teaches.
As you process your grief, also be alert to recognize and note the errors made from both sides in the relationship and learn from them.
Move on and Get out there
Now you have finally grieved, learnt valuable lessons, and gotten over your ex, it is time for you to go back into the romantic pool.
Whether you decide to date again, or remain single, you’ll need to let go of your ex. Sure, some couples choose to remain friends after breaking up but this can back-fire.
Whatever decision you make after a break up, put your feelings first and ask yourself how making that decision affects you in the long run.
Remember, getting dumped does not mean you are silly, unworthy, ugly, not enough. It simple means things didn’t work out. Therefore, do not be so hard on yourself.
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