Taraji P. Henson, an American actress, has recounted how she thought of committing suicide while battling with her mental health during the COVID-19 pandemic.
The 50-year-old Oscar nominee brought this revelation to light during a conversation on mental breakdown on the latest episode of ‘Peace of Mind with Taraji‘, her Facebook watch series.
On the episode titled ‘Is the pressure to be a strong black woman too much’, Taraji said “I had a dark moment” and thoughts of taking her own life kept coming to her mind.
“During this pandemic, it’s been hard on all of us, and I had a moment. I had a dark moment. I was in a dark place. For a couple of days, I couldn’t get out of the bed, I didn’t care. That’s not me. Then, I started having thoughts about ending it,” she said.
“It happened two nights in a row. I had purchased a gun not too long ago and it’s in the safe and I started like I could go in there right now and end it all because I wanted it to be over, but its in my head. I thought about my son and I said he’s grown, he’ll get over it. I just didn’t care.”
Taraji said she felt herself “withdrawing” from friends and loved ones but after two nights of suicidal thoughts, she knew she had to talk to someone.
“I felt myself withdrawing. People were calling me. I wasn’t responding. I didn’t care. Finally, I’m talking to one of my girlfriends and I knew I was smart enough to say ‘I have to say it,’ because a part of me was ashamed. I didn’t want them to think I’m crazy,” she said.
“So one day I just blurted it out to my girlfriend. She called me in the morning and I was like, ‘you know I thought about killing myself last night’. Oh my god, I feel so much better. I’m not gonna do it now.
“For me I’m no professional but I felt if I didn’t say it, then it becomes a plan. What scared me was that I did it two nights in a row and the thought kept coming and I started thinking about how. At first, it was like, I don’t want to be here. And then I started thinking about going and getting the gun.
“And that’s why when I woke up the next morning, I blurted it out. Because I felt like after a while it was going to take over me and it was going to become a plan because that’s how strong my brain is. Our thoughts…They’re that powerful.”
The actress founded the Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation to help people dealing with mental illness in 2018.
In 2019, the multiple-award winner had revealed how she battled with anxiety and depression.
Henson is famous for her role as Cookie Lyon in ‘Empire’, a TV drama series, and has starred in various movies including ‘Think like a Man’ (2012), ‘Acrimony’ (2018), ‘No good deed’, and ‘Proud Mary’ (2018).
The actress called off her engagement to Kelvin Hayden, a former NFL player, in October.
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