[SISI WENDY] Dear girls, what do you really want?

So often and on, we girls have a perfect description of what we want in life from love. Love comes in the form of a man and our desires become more vivid. Tall, dark and handsome is the typical idea of perfection thanks to the sultry help of the romance novels we dearly fed our young selves with while growing up.

Initial Desires. As we grow older, our desires and feelings get modified. We fine-tune our search – tall, dark, handsome, popular, good looking. High school was a classic ground for these specifications. We smile at the first match to wink at us and we have a prospect. Remember that spark you get when your first crush piques interest in you, thereby banishing the laws of unrequited? But then whoever ends up with their crush of early beginnings? Yeah maybe only Nick Cannon and we saw how that turned out.

Progressive desires. Anyway, the experience further helps modify the search a little more. Things are more serious in college because then that’s where most life decisions are made e.g. a life partner; hence the desires are a little mature and futuristic – tall, dark, handsome, ambitious, good grades, a tad popular but for the good reasons (brains, good looking), maybe party animal, good way with the guys, suave with the ladies (we like to think being picked out of the throng makes us special and which it does by the way), added bonus if he’s materialistic – neat dresser, smooth car, well-groomed – pays attention to detail.

Resolution. Work life sets in and we drop the hullaballoo of a joke we basked in while we had all the time in our hands. Its time to take a well baked package home to the parents to prove we have an idea of what we are doing with that aspect of our lives [thankful the arranged marriage era is long behind us] and so we set forth once again to redefine the desire. And with every passing time, our desires grow stronger and better. In a different environment, more serene and focused, prospects are literally walking up and down the hallway and by our desks and saying hi and bye as well as discussions relating to work. So now its, tall or average height, not so short or my tall genes could work; dark or light skinned, not too fair or anyone goes; handsome or good looking what does it matter if I like him; ambitious still, focused, good job, a house, not living with parents; independent and ready; he doesn’t have to be so clean, I’m clean enough, as long as he visits his barber on a regular typical grooming isn’t so necessary; bespectacled or not; educated to a reasonable level, Ph.Ds can be arranged later in life; good family background, regardless of cultural differences and the list goes on modified enough until our standards are lowered enough to suit not just us now, but everyone else.

End Product. As much as our desires are important and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have all we want from love, all we really want is to indeed be actually loved. We might want the riches and gold, diamonds and gifts but will gladly trade it for a man who would out us first before everything (except his mom of course. Cant compete with that and you don’t want to either), who is loving, caring, kind, protective (not too much), secure, trustworthy, supportive, sincere, who would be corrective but not to a fault, who would stand by you no matter what, makes you (and the family) priority, values time together and friendship, etc. is that too much to ask?

If all these qualities are possessed, whether he is tall, dark and handsome we probably wouldn’t notice, better, it comes as an added bonus. And I don’t believe these virtues aren’t out there because I have seen for myself. And guys, you only get what give out. If you give all these qualities to your woman, you’ll get same in return as long as you both love each other. Its not rocket science. You can actually be this person without thinking you have something to prove or someone to please. You can effortlessly be the woman of her dreams and be the man of her dreams without robbing a bank to do that. This rules out of course girls who believe money can buy happiness and more and guys who don’t believe in emotional investments.

But then, the guys will still complain that they have this to offer and more but are considered dorks and lose to the ‘bad boys’ who don’t have regard for these women and the girls will continue to complain that such guys are rare or don’t exist.

So really, what do we want?