When we were dating, I made sure I always looked put together. Wig always lay, nails done, car washed, airtime never finished. I paid for dates sometimes, even surprised him with gifts.
He used to call me “CEO baby.” What he didn’t know was that I was the CEO of debt.
By the time we got married, I was already ₦8.3 million deep in debt.
Some from a business that collapsed during COVID, and some of it… just bad decisions, especially (FOMO). Soft loans from friends, credit purchases, borrowing to pay borrowing.
I told myself, “Once I’m married, I’ll clean it up and hustle harder. He doesn’t need to know. It’s my mess.”
So I kept quiet.
In the first year of marriage, I was playing happy wife while juggling five repayment plans and lying through my teeth. “Oh no, babe, I just like to send money to my mum every month.”
“Oh, that deduction? Must be bank charges.”
“No, I’m not stressed… just tired.”
I wasn’t tired. I was drowning.
Every alert gave me anxiety. Every knock on the door made me think someone had come to disgrace me publicly. I became so good at smiling while calculating who I owed next.
Then year three came. And with it, a mistake.
I accidentally used our joint ATM card. Paid a massive chunk of the debt. Didn’t realise it until he called me from the office with a voice that was too quiet.
“₦850,000 left the account. Where did it go?”
For the first time in my life, I froze. No lie came.
No excuse. I just said the truth:
“I used it to pay a debt.”
Silence.
Then:
“What debt?”
It felt like time slowed down. My whole body started shaking. I confessed everything. Three years of secrets poured out in ten minutes. I even cried. I didn’t plan to, but the shame broke something in me.
He didn’t shout.
He just looked at me like he didn’t recognise me.
That was worse.
He said, “I trusted you. We make plans together. I ask you if we’re okay, and you say yes. You lied with confidence. I feel like I’m married to a stranger.”
That night, he slept in the guest room. And I couldn’t sleep at all. But something strange happened the next day. He didn’t leave. He didn’t insult me. He asked for the whole picture.
All the debts, the amounts, the names. We made a spreadsheet together.
We started from scratch. Again. It took almost two more years to pay everything off, this time together.
He still brings it up, but not with anger anymore. He calls it “The Great Reveal.” We even joke about it now. But every time he says it, I feel that shame in my chest again. Because the truth is, I lied not just to him but to myself.
I thought marriage would save me from my past. But it turns out, it only gave me a mirror and a partner who held it up even when he hated what he saw.
This is a powerful reminder that honesty hurts, but secrets destroy what love is built on. Visit marriageandmoney.com.ng to download financial budgeting tools.
Adetutu Afolabi is a Personal Freedom Coach helping families build wealth through aligned values and intentional living. She believes strong relationships are key to lasting financial freedom
Copyright 2025 TheCable. All rights reserved. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from TheCable.
Follow us on twitter @Thecablestyle