Why women date married men

One sizable study found 90 percent of single women were interested in a man who they believed was taken, while a mere 59 percent wanted him when told he was single.

This topic is an old. I didn’t re-introduce it. Bishop TD Jakes did on his Potter’s Touch programme on TV recently. He is an American pastor, author and filmmaker and leader of the Potter’s House, a non-denominational mega church with over 30,000 members.  His preaching style is so electrifying that even if you take an overdose of sleeping pills, you are unlikely to sleep with TD in front of you.

He tackles contemporary topics and issues by offering practical and spiritual solutions to life’s toughest questions. And he makes a clear distinction between practical and spiritual issues. For example you don’t party all night and blame witches in your village for headache.

On his programme, he used the subject to illustrate the point that life is about processes (it is stage by stage, or step by step thing). No matter how gifted you are, you have to train and work hard to be what you are destined to be.

People and things we desire are the result of long, delicate processes. Most natural diamonds are formed at high temperature and pressure at depths of 140 to 190 kilometers in the Earth’s mantle over periods from 1 billion to 3.3 billion years. They are brought close to the Earth’s surface through deep volcanic eruptions which then cools as raw diamonds.

Finished products look better than they are in their raw form. Similarly, true love and good marriages are products of years of struggle, hardwork, on compromise and forgiveness, among others.

All the reasons why some women like married men, the product years of hard work by wife and husband at home, can be encapsulated in what TD Jakes said. The mate poachers or husband snatchers “want the product and have no time for the process.” That is a crisp explanation why on earth a woman would want to knowingly get herself involved up with a coupled-up man.

And of course, that is what enrages the wives. They contribute so much to making the husbands the polished and rich men mate poachers want.

Husband poachers are many, most of them even wild and shameless.  One study found 90 percent of single women were interested in a man who they believed was taken, while a mere 59 percent wanted him when told he was single.

The researchers noted: “According to a recent poll, most women who engage in mate poaching do not think the attached status of the target played a role in their poaching decision, but our study shows this belief to be false. Single women in this study were significantly more interested in the target when he was attached. This may be because an attached man has demonstrated his ability to commit and in some ways his qualities have already been ‘‘pre-screened” by another woman.”

Breaking TD Jakes’s capsule we find reasons like the opportunity for single women to make money, which in places like Lagos is a major motive in relationships. Others are as follows:

Security: Sometimes women go after married men because they believe them to be more financially secure, emotionally stable and experienced than single men. The general belief among these women is that if he can take care of an entire family and keep a wife happy, he’s the kind of man she needs. They don’t have to take her chances with single men who are just getting life together.

Convenience: Many women don’t need a man full time. What’s more, they don’t appear to want one. They eat their cakes and have them – being as free as want be and getting what they want from the men. In this relationship the woman gets breathing room. She is not accountable to him.

Easy does it: For some women focused on their career or in school, dating a married man is far less demanding than dating another single or having a live-in relationship. There are only so many demands a married man can make of his mistress and that is the kind of relationship she is after.

A woman’s self-esteem: This one is tricky and annoying:

Some women get a feeling of power and a boost in self-esteem when they sleep with a married man. These types of women feel that if they can take another woman’s husband away from her, she is pretty and desirable.

Stealing a man’s affection from his wife is a power trip for them. Some of these women are super-competitive woman who crave the competition to boost self-esteem. The hotter her rival, the hotter she is, the more she feels superior to the wife in terms of having the goods that men want.

For these women, feeling superior has less to do with the man in question and how desirable he is, and more to do with being more powerful than and superior to the other woman.

Just immoral: These days it is common to hear single women tell their targets, “what if you are married?” Some women are just immoral. They don’t care about the sanctity of marriage. Sex is their greatest weapon and they will use it for all its worth. It is said that these women are the most sexually adventurous of all the women who date married men.