R.I.P Buhari, Ayade the retired hawker and 4 other highlights of last week

Hardly a week goes by without being blessed with inane, incredulous and unexpected series of events.

From a borderline decision to legalise street hawking to a thought-provoking national discourse of a certain dog named ‘Buhari’, whose owner faces prosecution – some things really do stick out like a sore thumb.

Last week, six issues did.

Groups within groups

Militant group, Niger Delta Avengers at some point exuded the invisible aura of invincibility but these days, we are getting mixed signals from its camp.

In equal vein, the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB) has suffered a chronic fracture that’s seemingly terminal.

In less than a fortnight, both groups birthed splinter groups, evidence of disharmony and disunited ideology.

The NDA birthed “Reformed NDA” while IPOB brought to life “The Re-branded IPOB” and “Reformed IPOB”.

So much “reformed” confusion.

Niger Delta peace demands

If indeed Niger Delta monarchs are bearing the message of militants, then it appears that four key factors, if addressed, can lead to peace in the region.

The traditional rulers, in a meeting with Ibe Kachikwu, NNPC boss, said the government should return a golden sword taken from Oporoza community, open the contentious maritime university and release “10 innocent children”.

The second part of the request made by the monarchs are the return of three traditional council speed boats in custody of the Nigerian Army and cessation of hostilities perpetrated by the military in the Niger Delta region.

A retired hawker knows best

It takes a former hawker to feel the pains of hawkers just as it takes a bad economy for common sense to prevail.

Unlike states that have banned street hawking, Ben Ayade, Cross River governor, won’t be going down that same route.

In fact, he plans to make life easier for hawkers to do business.

“The Hawkers’ Protection Bill is one bill after my heart, which I must ensure its enactment and implementation within the shortest possible time. The supremacy of government does not allow it to know the agony of the downtrodden which is why hawking is being prohibited and hawkers subjected to merciless whips at all times by law enforcement agents.

“Why must we deny a man or woman the right to earn a living simply because he or she does not have money to rent a shop? We want a law that will make hawking legal and provide clear terms and conditions under which you can hawk. I will provide specific hawking corridors to protect the rights of the down trodden.”

“The hawkers’ rights bill is key to Cross River State government. All I need to do is just to regulate it. Hawking is an African thing and we cannot shy away from the fact that at some point in our lives, we have been at our lowest levels. Personally, I have hawked before.”

Naira digging for gold 

Ludacris’ 2010 hit song ‘How Low’, at this point in time, is a perfect soundtrack for the naira, Nigeria’s currency which is receding in value faster than a balding middle-aged man.

Naira keeps going low and there’s no doubt about that.

Just on Friday, TheCable reported that the currency attained a fresh all-time low of 412/$1, “as dollar scarcity bites harder at the parallel market”

And that was two days after it crossed the 400-per-dollar mark. What a sharp nosedive!

Naira, a currency subjected to the mercy of market forces, is said to have now depreciated by over 40 percent in 2016… and it’s just August.

Controversial Kerry visit

After John Kerry, U.S. secretary of state, visited and departed Nigeria last week, all hell was let loose.

Case in point, by the Christian Association of Nigeria and several interested parties.

Kerry’s itinerary in Nigeria, which was the bone of contention, included meetings with president Muhammadu Buhari, northern governors and sultan of Sokoto.

While certain elements described Kerry’s visit as “discriminatory, personal and divisive”, others went as far as calling it a “threat to Nigeria’s unity”.

R.I.P Buhari

Shall we observe a moment of silence for dog, Buhari- whom after its 15 minutes of fame, departed the world into the afterlife of man’s best friend?

May the animal rest in perfect peace and may Joe Iroko Chinakwe find the fortitude to bear the loss of a dog he loved so much that he named after a man he worships and admires – Muhammadu Buhari, president of Nigeria.

Amen.