How to turn down sex without harming your relationship

Sex is absolutely great — it is fun, it is exercise, and it gives immense pleasure (most times).

But even for sex enthusiasts, there are times when life’s woes bring you down and you’re just not in the mood.

Rejection in any form can be damaging in a relationship, especially when one partner always makes the first move. They’ll slowly begin to feel unloved and unappreciated.

Sexual rejection, in particular, can be a difficult pill to swallow because many people take sex personally.

Here are a few tips on how to reject sex without hurting your relationship.

Let them know why you’re saying no

Communication being key cannot be over-stressed.

It is okay to reject sex but it’s paramount that you explain why you’re not in the mood so your partner doesn’t feel pushed away.

If you’re too tired, you should say it. If you were annoyed at work, let your partner know.

If you’re holding a grudge against your partner for something they did, lay it on the table.

Whatever it is you’re going through should be shared and any reasonable person would understand as long as it doesn’t become a frequent pattern.

Suggest another time

After explaining your reason for saying no, suggesting another time for sex is the best way to soften the blow.

This way, they will know you’re not just putting them off completely.

For example, “I’m not in the mood right now but maybe we could try on the weekend once my work deadline has passed?”

Find an alternative way to connect 

Sex is not the only way to achieve closeness in a relationship.

If you’re not feeling up to sex, you can both engage in a meaningful conversation, cuddle, hold hands, cook together or play a game.