[SISI WENDY]: You can’t forget a painful heartbreak — but this is how to heal

Most people who have had their hearts broken find it hard to let go because they are afraid of one thing: forgetting.

Forgetting the good times, the fun times, and the best moments spent together.

The time devoted, the emotional connection and the mental investment into this one person are practically what keeps them going.

They simply don’t want to forget.

Somehow, the fear of forgetting is greater than the accompanying pain.

Heartbreak, respecter of nobody

Heartbreak doesn’t have to be the case of ‘boy doesn’t love girl anymore’ (or vice versa), heartbreak can be from the loss of a loved one. The effect of the pain is similar, and the depth as well. Doesn’t make the former any easier, either.

The mind is no respecter of circumstances when it chooses to torture [its] victims of heartbreak.

It slowly guides one into a state of depression, making it feel all warm, cozy and loving, every ‘way’ it best can; then it tells your body that it is okay to do without food for a while by making every thought a nightmare, which in turn seizes your appetite… until you’re only surviving through those thoughts.

Soliloquy becomes more than a figure of speech. It becomes your best friend, your confidant, your listening ear. Who else would? Everyone is tired of hearing the same sad story; they’ve run out of sympathy and empathy.

Then heartbreak suddenly becomes your dangerous solace – simply because you don’t want to forget.

How to deal with heartbreak

It starts with accepting what has happened. He said he doesn’t want you anymore; that he doesn’t feel the same way for you anymore and he feels you both should go your different ways (and vice versa).

Rather than brood and get depressed, why not see it as a blessing?

If you really look at it well, what he is basically saying is, you are now free to do as you like, you know, check out that nice tall, dark and handsome dude that is more good looking than he is, without feeling bad about it, you can now party with your male friends or increase your chances of getting that nice hot dude that has got his eyes on you, while pretending to still play hard to get, and pound a few more yams.

Why is that so hard to accept? What are the odds? If all it would take for you to get over not wasting two to five more years of whatever number you’ve spent so far is to let go, why still hold on?

Despite heartbreak being unable to take away the pain, or make one forget, most people cling to it, afraid that it’s all they have.

How to move on and ‘not forget’

It’s always better to let go and love someone again, with everything new you’ve learned, both about yourself and about life.

Explore, see life through the eyes of someone else again. Devote time and affection, emotional connection and mental investment with the hope that this time around, you’d do it better.

You only appreciate the things you’ve learned when you allow yourself share it with another person who would appreciate it. But you’d never know unless you let go.

Focusing on the good things, regardless of how your heart was broken, will help ease the pain. It would help you forgive (yourself) and forget enough to allow yourself let go.

It will also give you a lighter heart knowing that you’ve made peace with yourself and the other person.

So, you’re not exactly forgetting. That memory stays with you for a long time, I’m afraid. But instead, you’re channeling those thoughts into something more positive.

Allow yourself to be okay with it.