Is he God's will for me in marriage?

Dear Praise,

I love the way you handled last week’s issue and felt it wise to run my case by you before I lose my mind because I am having serious issues with my pastor at the moment. I am a 28year old senior manager in an advertising firm but very committed in my church. I haven’t been that lucky with relationships & the last was not at all pleasant because it was with my music director in church whom I caught pants down with another lady in choir.

To be honest he was never my kind of guy but he was the golden boy in church and pastor could hardly do without him. So when he approached me I was not totally interested but after running it by my pastor he asked me to go ahead that he was God’s will for me which I accepted but from the 3^rd week of our relationship I noticed he had an uncontrollable sexual appetite for sex but I stood my ground until I caught him with another lady in choir.

I had since decided to break the relationship but pastor and his wife are insisting I must not miss God’s will for me in marriage so that I don’t end up being miserable. Please I need your honest counsel because I am confused.

Olayemi Susan – Lagos

Hello Susan,

Thanks so much for trusting my counsel and for your conviction that you will get the truth on this platform.

Let me start by telling you that any blessing that is from God will make you better without adding sorrow. God is not an author of confusion so there is no way He would insist on a guy like that being your man. Would pastor and his wife advice the guy not to leave you if you were the one caught pants down with another guy?

While I don’t dispute God’s direction what I also know is that you are God’s child and He won’t bypass you to go speak to someone about a critical issue that may affect your future. What anyone tells you should be a confirmation and not an instruction and I would really want you to watch it because many speak for themselves and call it God.

The school of thought that believe there is a specific guy that you must marry is not totally correct because what happens if the guy dies or impregnates another lady? If your so called music director is already messing up in courtship what would happen in marriage? A good man sees evil ahead and hides himself but the foolish goes ahead and is destroyed was a critical counsel from King Solomon in his collection of proverbs many years ago and it is one counsel I would want you to follow.

Your pastor is not God and can be fallible so don’t take his words as God. When someone tells you God said you have a right as a child of God to subject that instruction to the test of God’s word and even your own personal conviction.

What exactly do you want in a man? Please draw up a list of things you can’t compromise in your spouse and make friends whose values align with your list. I want you to know that what it takes to run a good marriage is knowledge and so please get materials that can strengthen you and fortify your happiness. At 28 it is not impossible they think you must be desperate but trust me it is better to be single and happy than get married to a man that would strip you of your happiness for the rest of your life.

Whatever a pastor says and tells you is from God is a counsel or a proposal and you have a right to accept or decline because God never forces any will on anyone so don’t be bound by this so called revelation. Would this pastor tell his biological daughter to go ahead with a man she caught pants down?

An adage in my village says everyone loves to watch the performance of a lunatic but none wants to give birth to one’ don’t allow people lead you into error.

If this guy isn’t what you need in your life please move on and find another and trust me there are so many good guys out there. Many people have been led into error by the instructions of another. I want you to be absolutely responsible for your marital choice and ensure the choice is yours and not based on an instruction from any man.

• You are an adult and adults decide who they want to be married to.
• You are a human being and every true human being must be able to make their choices
• You are a wise woman because only the wise run away from a predictable evil
• You are also God’s child so you have a right to be led by His spirit

In case they start persecuting you for taking action that is contrary to what they call spiritual instruction please find another church because the rule that governs every voluntary organization is free entry and exit.

Please always take a decision that empowers you.

God bless you.