Do you remember what your sex life was like before your little angel was in your life? Think hard… and you are sure to dig up some amazing memories! And as a result of all that awesome sexy-time you had, you now probably have a tiny human being (or two) sharing the bed with you.
But how do you handle co-sleeping and marital intimacy?
When you last wanted to have sex with your hubby and rolled over to reach for him, instead of a muscular arm (or something else) did you instead encounter a chubby little leg or diaper-clad bottom?
When you thought it was your hubby reaching out for some upper-body fondling action, was it instead your little one searching desperately for his source of milk?
Don’t get us wrong – we think co-sleeping is awesome. It comes with a host of scientifically-proven benefits for the little ones such as enabling more peaceful sleep, a more stable body temperature and more regular heart rhythms. It is also beneficial to your child’s long-term emotional health.
But let’s face it. Having a child (or two) in bed with you when you want to have sex can be off-putting to say the least.
Co-sleeping and marital intimacy… is it possible?
Mums and dads, we’re here to help you with five great tips on getting some action even if you co-sleep with your kids. This information is brought to you by some very experienced co-sleeping mummies and daddies.
- Take it out of the bedroom
There’s no hard and fast (excuse the pun) rule that you must do the deed on your bed. Get adventurous and take it out of the bedroom.
The kitchen has handy counters, the living room has inviting couches, and of course, there’s always the floor. And how could we forget the bathroom? You can have some of the best “O-some” action ever in the shower or in the bathtub.
For an added dimension of thrill-seeking, do it in your car if you have one, right before you go home. Just make sure the neighbours don’t see you!
- It’s all about the timing
When your kiddos are wee babies, having timed sex is hard because they don’t really have a proper sleep routine. But as your kids grow older and you still find them sandwiched between you in bed, you’re going to have to get shrewd with their sleep-times.
It’s pretty simple. Note down the time your kid wakes up and plan your sexy-time accordingly. For example. your child wakes up every night at 11pm for a feed or a cuddle. Just have sex before that!
If you want to get really scientific about it, take note of when your child is in deep sleep — usually around 70 to 90 minutes after first falling asleep — and time your sexy date then!
- Schedule your sex
This is one for all you pedants — schedule when you have sex the same way you schedule your kids’ playdates.
Now before everyone else starts complaining that this takes away all the spontaneity of sex, just remember, spontaneity with most things was lost when your little ones came into your life. Case in point — have you ever tried going on a spur-of-the-moment road trip with kids?
So, put on your planning hat and and call in reinforcement, i.e. grandparents, friends, neighbours, the mini-market auntie (kidding!). Once they are able to whisk the kids away for an hour or two, do not waste a moment more than you have to and spring into action.
Points to remember: do not use this time to (a) catch up on your sleep, (b) watch your favourite TV show, (c) cook, (d) clean the house, (e) call your grandmother.
- In-room action
Okay, so sometimes you just don’t want to leave your little interruptors-of-sex in your bedroom and on your bed by themselves, especially when they’re really young. So, according to the wise mums who helped out with ideas for this article, you may improvise in the following ways:
- Have sex standing up in a dark corner — Upright sex is good fun and if you can somehow squeeze in a few squats while you’re at it, you have the added bonus of a work-out.
- Use the cot — Put that expensive cot your child never uses to some good use by placing your child inside it for however long it takes you to do the deed. If it’s a really sturdy cot, perhaps you and hubby dearest could use it if you’re worried about waking up your child during the transfer from bed to cot. Desperate times, dear parents, desperate times.
- “Under(the)cover” action — cover your child with a blanket (not his head please). Cover yourselves with another, bigger blanket and we hope you can figure out what to do next.
- Bed-corner action — Sex doesn’t always have to be penetrative… oral sex can be as, or even more pleasurable. Here’s a clever tip given to us by a clever mum. Either you or your hubby sit at the end of the bed with your back towards your child (you can build a pillow fortress between you if you must — see last point) while the other kneels on the floor and pleasures you. Switch positions. Repeat.
- Throw a spare mattress on the floor — Simple genius, no explanation needed!
- Build a pillow wall — It’s best to have your bed pushed against the wall for your child’s safety. Then just place your sleeping child at the wall-end of the bed, construct a fortress of pillows between you and your offspring, and spring into action!
When executing the last two points, make sure you have a good enough explanation ready should your child happen to wake up and ask you what you’re doing.
- Take it out of the house
No, we’re not asking you to get naughty in your neighbour’s garden because that could land you in a spot of trouble. Instead, put on your planning hat again and call in your reinforcements once more — ideally grandparents or a reliable baby-sitter or helper.
The idea is for you to plan an awesome escapade with the love of your life for one whole night just because you deserve it. Plan it out carefully:
- Lock in a date that your reliable reinforcement person is available
- Book your hotel room
- Buy yourself some saucy lingerie
- In the lead-up to your one-night escapade, send each other sexy text messages, flirt with each other (under-the-table action, anyone?) and build up the mood in general
- On the much-awaited day, tire your kids out with playdates/ swimming/ a trip to the playground or any other fun activities that will (a) ensure they fall asleep fast, and (b) eliminate any trace of mummy-guilt
- Have your bags packed and ready and scoot the moment your reinforcement arrives
Good luck all you co-sleeping mums and dads. We hope this article helps you to keep that all-important flame burning!
This article was first published on AfricaParent.com
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