In marriage, there will be times when you have to talk about the tough stuff. But when broaching sensitive topics, you have to be extra sensitive of your partner’s feelings. And if you want to tell your husband he’s bad in bed, you have to be even more considerate.
Men, after all, tend to put a lot of pride in their sexual prowess. And often, they think they’re tigers in bed when in reality, they’re mere kittens!
But you can help them along, suggesting ways to improve their technique without offending them.
How To Tell Your Husband He’s Bad In Bed Without Offending Him
Be Casual and Positive
Bring up bedroom issues in casual conversation, while watching TV or having a meal at home. This way, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal. Focus on the good, and what you loved about your latest encounter. This reinforces what you like between the sheets. Sooner or later, he’ll catch on.
Psychologist Kristen Carpenter agrees. She tells SELF that problems in the bedroom should be discussed outside of it. She advises women to be direct about what they enjoy in bed.
Continuously Encourage the Good
Even in the bedroom, you can subtly prod your partner to do better without directly saying it. How? Highlight what he’s doing right every now and then. For example, if you hate him going down on you but he thinks you love it, gently direct him up as he moves down.
Remember that as long as you want to please each other, there is no right or wrong way to have sex. But there is a best way that suits you both.
“It’s so easy for men to feel like they’re doing something wrong, but it’s not about right or wrong,” explains marriage therapist Carin Goldstein. “It’s about being in sync, and all women’s bodies are different.”
Redirect and Don’t Criticise
In a similar vein, sex therapist Laurel House suggests not directly criticising while in bed. This makes sense because no one wants to be told what they’re doing wrong while in the throes of passion.
Instead, try to redirect his focus and actions in what you like in bed. Does he keep assuming a position that’s uncomfortable for you, tell him what position does feel good.
Remember that your hubby wants to please you, but even the best ones in bed need a little guidance, too!
Don’t Overwhelm Him
Once you do redirect and talk about what you like, don’t overwhelm him with instructions. Take it one (or two) at a time. If a husband’s bad in bed, they might be struggling with self-doubt or even anxiety. The last thing you want is to barrage them with requests that can aggravate this.
So drop hints now and again, but don’t get too carried away!
Be Open to Feedback Too
Remember that it takes two to tango — especially in between the sheets. If your husband’s bad in bed, you can help him along by asking what he likes, too. Maybe his technique could improve when you assume positions or do moves that feel more natural to him as well.
Communication is important! At the end of the day, it’s not the adventurous sex positions or the wild fantasies that make good sex. It’s simply being in sync, wanting to please each other, striving to express your love and desire in the best way possible.
Now that’s good sex!
This article was first published on AfricaParent.com
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