I thought I could fix men so I stayed in bad relationships, says Dayo Amusa

Actress Dayo Amusa has said she often found herself in bad relationships because of an innate yearn to “fix” broken men.

Having failed several times in her men-fixing attempts, Amusa says, she has now discovered that she cannot “save them”.

In an Instagram post on Wednesday, the actress said she has now found clarity and that she is ready to make changes moving forward.

She wrote: “I used to be a fixer. I stayed in bad relationships, attracting the same type of men—men who needed to be fixed.

“I know so many women in the same position. We attract cheating men, commitment-phobic men, emotionally unavailable men, emotionally damaged men, alcoholics, drug abusers, narcissists and sociopaths.

“It’s like we are a magnet for men whose pieces are shattered all over the place. And for some reason, we feel compelled to put these pieces back together.

“But I must admit, I have failed every single time.

“I never gave myself a chance to sit back and question my motives. Instead of asking why I constantly felt obligated to pick up someone else’s broken pieces, I ran to pick them up without a second thought. Being selfless made me think that coming second didn’t matter because I was putting someone else’s worthiness first. And in the end, rank doesn’t matter, right?

“I realised that the reason I was attracting these types of men was because I believed I could save them.

“As selfless, thoughtful, giving women, we think we will be “that woman”—the one who will change them. We think we can turn a cheater into a loyal boyfriend. We think we can help him walk away from the drugs and alcohol. We believe we can help him get over his commitment issues and aim for a stable future with us. We trust that we can get rid of the emotional baggage that he has been carrying for years. We attract these men because we believe they need us. And to leave them would be selfish, insensitive and ruthless.

“The sad news is, we constantly blame ourselves when they don’t change. Every time they fail us, we think it’s because we failed them. Their hold on us becomes stronger; they keep us around knowing they have nothing to offer.”

I used to be a fixer. I stayed in bad relationships, attracting the same type of men—men who needed to be fixed. I know so many women in the same position. We attract cheating men, commitment-phobic men, emotionally unavailable men, emotionally damaged men, alcoholics, drug abusers, narcissists and sociopaths. It’s like we are a magnet for men whose pieces are shattered all over the place. And for some reason, we feel compelled to put these pieces back together. But I must admit, I have failed every single time. I never gave myself a chance to sit back and question my motives. Instead of asking why I constantly felt obligated to pick up someone else’s broken pieces, I ran to pick them up without a second thought. Being selfless made me think that coming second didn’t matter because I was putting someone else’s worthiness first. And in the end, rank doesn’t matter, right? I realized that the reason I was attracting these types of men was because I believed I could save them. As selfless, thoughtful, giving women, we think we will be “that woman”—the one who will change them. We think we can turn a cheater into a loyal boyfriend. We think we can help him walk away from the drugs and alcohol. We believe we can help him get over his commitment issues and aim for a stable future with us. We trust that we can get rid of the emotional baggage that he has been carrying for years. We attract these men because we believe they need us. And to leave them would be selfish, insensitive and ruthless. The sad news is, we constantly blame ourselves when they don’t change. Every time they fail us, we think it’s because we failed them. Their hold on us becomes stronger; they keep us around knowing they have nothing to offer. It’s just my view. What’s your view??? Let’s interact #JustMyView #JMVwithDayoAmusa #TAO #millionshadesoftao

A post shared by Dayo Amusa 🌎 TAO® (@dayoamusa) on Oct 3, 2017 at 6:52am PDT