Hello Praise,
Thanks for the great job you are doing. I think you need to address women because some of them are just too proud and show no regard for men even when the Bible asks women to submit to men. I have quite a number of female colleagues and they show disregard for men and some of them even want to rule you but my bigger problem is my wife because she exhibits the same trait at home and I can’t stand that. I must confess to you that she got me upset last week that I had no choice than to slap her which I later regretted but I don’t know how I can continue with a woman who argues with you over decisions that a man should take and sometimes fails to clean up the house. I just think she is too dirty and I regret marrying a woman like her.
Please I need you to address our women to know their limit and follow God’s instructions as specified in the Holy book.
Benedict O. (Abuja)
Hi Ben,
Thanks so much for your mail and I must commend you because you seem to have been the first man to have sent me a mail since I started my column on cable. I wish I’d met you because I would have wanted you to show me where it is written in the bible that women must submit to men because I have read the entire Bible and I have not found anything like that. Maybe you meant to quote ‘Wives submit yourself to your own husband’
The tragedy of humanity is assumption on our part about what we have never researched and sought to fact find and our acceptance of error as truth because it masquerades as culture or religion. Every woman can’t submit to you because some women are employers and have no plans to be married. Any man asking an unmarried woman to submit to him is in error because there is no differences between the woman and man when it comes to God’s expectations and even corporate expectations. Manhood and womanhood are identities but wife and husband are optional roles which a single woman can take or decline. Only in marriage is your wife expected to submit to you if you are the husband but that is also based on the premise that you have truly loved her by dying for her because that is what the Bible specifies since you are quoting from the bible.
Now I think your knowledge of who a man is and your role as husband may not be adequate and that is why you could slap her. I am not holding brief for women who drive men crazy but if what is driving you crazy is because she argues with you then something is wrong that you must fix because it means you can’t stand an intelligent female because an intelligent wife would quiz your decisions not because she wants to put you down but because she needs to save you from you. I don’t think slapping your wife was appropriate and I hope you apologize to her. I’d like to recommend that you study the etymology of the following words man, woman, husband, helpmeet, father, mother, marriage. Once you discover the truth you would become free.
I believe we need a world where men are no longer intimidated by a confident woman or a more intelligent woman because the spirit God placed in a woman is not inferior to that of a man. We must learn to respect our women the way we want them to respect us and when she becomes a wife we must be ready to love them as Christ love the church and gave himself for her. I believe when men accept women as colleagues, associates and friends our world would experience peace because we would no longer see gender but solutions.
How do I break free from alcohol?
Dear Praise,
My problem is alcohol addiction and I have not been able to help myself in the last 18 years. I have done everything and that includes deliverance sessions to no avail. This is messing up my family and I feel so ashamed of the things I do whenever I am drunk please can you help?
Babatunde.
Hello sir,
I must commend your honesty at opening up and your desire to get help with your addiction. Addictions don’t just happen; it is a function of the pleasure your brain has attached to what you do and as a Neuro Lingustics Master Practitioner I am trained to help you break every form of addictive behavior. I’d give you a simple strategy that should help but if not you might need to come see me.
The next time you are about to drink pour the drink into a glass and take it to a very quiet place with no form of distraction. It must be a place where you can feel yourself and enjoy the good taste and feeling of the drink. As you hold the drink in your hand ask your body if taking the drink is good for its health and longevity? As your liver the same question and kidney? Make sure you get a response from each of your internal organs and do it slowly. Take the drink based on their response to you and repeat the process consistently and let me have your result.
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@Benedict Your wife is not different from another woman in the world even not different from your mother, Before you got married you ought to have known that she was a dirty woman all these you ought to have corrected before now.
Benedict I must say that women are a helpmeet not slaves they too have a brilliant opinion to give to men because they bear the brunt when things go wrong in the family, the problem with most women is presentation of their opinion, which often result to physical combat,
Let me also add that slapping a woman you called your wife is animalistic, Martin Corridon says there is no different between one woman and another in the dark, the weak point of your wife is dirtiness then you need to help her in that regard even my mother at the age of 96years still stands to be corrected.
Call her apologise to her and let her know the area you want her to improve togetherness you can make a change and live a peaceful life.It is well
@Babatunde By the special grace of God i once dealt with a suitation like this before follow this process and you will see how it works for you.
1.Babatunde take alcohol as poison
2.Fast for three days white fast indeed and ask that your pastor to stand between you and God and tell God that the day you take any form of alcohol that you shall die and that your pastor should seal it with a prayer
Since you are the one willing to be delivered then it shall be so .it is well
Dear Benedict,I sympathize with you for lifting your hands on your wife and also your views about man’s authority.I do not want to judge but note that it’s only a weak man that hits a woman. Stop!
Now as regards your wife having the temerity to argue with you.It might interest you to know that in my household any decision that affects the family is thoroughly debated with my wife, sometimes for days before we take action. At the early part of our marriage,I tried a few without proper consultation with my wife and I deeply regretted some of those decisions. You are lucky to have such intelligent woman.Make the most of what you have. Apologise to your wife and undertake to henceforth pamper her.
It is a sign of weakness. You lost what being a man is.
Your decision to be democratic is okay but it is not the only way to a successful marriage.
Sadly we all come across as trying not to offend the feminist or being defined as refined gentlemen a word often defined by a feminist world.
Whilst we are all pussies….pardon my language.
I will ask you a series of question, and I do hope you answer with all honesty.
What are the strength of a woman? What are her God given weapon of survival?
Then what are the strengths of a man?
A lady is allowed to show, use her weaponry and a man use of same is barbaric or unrefined at best?
This is based on whose decision again?
So you live and die in a world built for women which you term weaker vessel. The jokes are on men.
Man as a specie is on extinction list…not the pussy men that we have now.
In a bid to have peace at home, to be seen to be caring,loving and understanding man, attributes burdened on you by the female world you have jettison the true nature of your being…man.
I can’t believe what response was given concerning benedict case. He says his wife is arrogant, you take it that she is being independent and intelligent. Did you read the part where he said she doesn’t do the house work? It is wrong to raise your hands against your wife but women could be annoying at time. A woman is not supposed to make decisions for the man, but support the man in making good decision. Let’s treat issues and not gender or personality.
Give me a good reason why a woman cannot make a decision for a man?
Oh let me guess… because she is a woman?
Do I need to say that a man and woman were created equal and have the same IQ capabilities? isn’t this something you should know?
Who says a man knows all? There are times some men are confused about the next step to take regarding their life and who better to fall back on than your woman, your wife, your best friend (as should be) and your help mate? I cannot blame any one who will think other wise of my opinion. A lot has to do with how we were raised and what we learnt from our parents or outsiders while growing up. but that does not mean that you cannot break free of archaic thinking that women should not make decisions for men.
@Ben if you married her, then there must have been a good reason for doing so… find that reason again. communication is about understanding and that is what should be fixed. Treat each other with respect, show her how you would want the place cleaned up but in a calm and respectful way and you will definitely see changes. Most times, all women need is affection and respect.
Don’t forget to pray together too.
Best wishes.
@lizzy i agreed with you in totality many times my wife had bailed me out from crucial decision if i bad followed my heart would have cost me something to bite. But on a more serious note most time you get confused when issues affects your emotional thinking and when you get annoyed you made some silly mistakes these women always give the succor and terribly affected I pray nothing goes wrong at home women are mostly affected. Understand your spouse and play along, you will enjoy the best of your wife.
@vation….. My wife has been the force behind much of my successes today as a man. I can say that i’m a proud business owner/ employer of labour today because she chose not to let me just sink any idea/ thought into her head, believing that “i’m the man”. Every man who wants to succeed in life must learn how to listen to his wife constructively, especially if she’s constantly given to a different opinion on issues. You did not marry her as a slave. And besides, who says a man can’t do the sweeppin every now and then.!?
A woman is a man’s best supporters club. For many of us who love football, this should sink in easily. There was a story we read in school several years ago. It was about a hunter who was travelling with his wife. Once they encountered bandits, the man began to fret. He was afraid of his life and that of his wife. The wife, who knew him as the strength of the family, saw the man shaking in fear. she tried out what came to her mind to ward of the bandits. She began to praise the man, calling on him to continue shaking, as he had always done to kill 20s and 30s of enemies. The bandits heard this and quickly disappeared.
The import of this story is that a wife is the best help God has sent the way of the wife. Until we, men realise this, our marriages will continue to run on bumpy grounds. We need to come down from the utopian heights where our parents existed and embrace a new atmosphere where we can see our wives as the other half of our lives. The devil these days does not attack individuals again, he attacks families so that the future of more and more children can be jeopardised. Ben, my advice is to see your wife as yourself. Her strength is yours, her weakness is yours. I have a feeling she is weakened by your macho style leadership. If you can share my experience, I helped to bathe my own kids and while my wife was busy, I would put the tiny tot on my back so my wife would have some breathing space.
Take your wife as your confidant and when the children start coming, bring them into discussions about your home. They may be small but their opinions matter. Dont be seen as deciding for them. Even where you have to decide for them, let them know they were consulted. It is easy if you do it with the fear of God and the best of intentions.
It is your family and as my respected Pastor Praise has said, you must be willing to die for what is yours! Dont discuss your home with friends unless those who can be role models and who can share what God has used to help them build theirs.
Your friends may not be bad but they probably are in the same shoe as you and would likely tell you to call the bluff of your wife.
It is tasking to raise a home alone but very easy if you both join efforts and decide that you want to make a success of it.
I suggest you look for literature on couples who marriages have succeeded. Their stories will make you stronger.
God will give you the wisdom to hold your home.
Its so sad that i can read alot of ignorant comments on Benedicts issue but let me start by bullet pointing my comments.
1. Benedict like the writer has rightly said women are not to submit to men but your wife is to submit to you same way you are to lay down your life for her as it is written in the Bible (no arguments about that).
2. My dad use to tell me that if you play with chicken you will smell of chicken shit. I as a man and an ALPHA MALE feel that for a woman to abuse me or be rude to me then i must have carried myself in a certain way that would attract such insults. So i always mind the way i address myself and carry myself cos i do not take insults mildly.
3.You talked about slapping your wife, i do not support that except if its a case of self defence in a life or death situation otherwise i would advice that when you are angry you leave the situation room and take a walk to clear your head and take a breath. That would go along way to clear the tension with some prayers.
4.you talked about your wife arguing, well since this is only one side of the story and i wasn’t present i would go with your words. if she is arguing about decisions that you should take then that is wrong in my opinion, you are the HEAD of that house so is Christ Jesus the HEAD of the church and we do not and have no right to argue with Christ. God put a structure in heaven which is the Father, Son and the Holy spirit, he also put a structure in the family which is the Father (Husband), Mother (Wife) and the Children. so the buck stops at your table and you must make all final decisions but with contributions from your wife and sometimes your kids. It reminds me of how GOD was angry at Adam when he learnt that Adam had eat the forbidden fruit and was using Eve has his excuse when God literally gave the instruction to Adam. So yes, the woman does not make the final decision in the home if the man is around.
5. if your wife fails to clean the home or you feel she is too dirty, then its left for you to talk to her, help her, pray for her and show her love. Teach her what cleanliness is all about. it would take time and requires lots of patience. There’s no regretting here as the deed has been done, you don marry am already and the Bible says God hates divorce.
6. Now if your wife is trying to discuss with you to show you the wrong in some of your decisions then you need to be patient with her and listen to her. Women are known to be more emotional and spiritual about issues while Men are known to be more logical, my advice for you is to mix those two and then make your final decision. Always take time to listen to your wife, that makes for a great husband and leader.
7. And to some responses i read here, let me make my observation: Men and women were not created equal, the Man (Male gender) was created first and was given the task of working and catering for Gods’ creatures while the woman was created after to be a helpmeet (support system). Men and women do not have the same IQ, some men have higher while some women have higher. it depends on the environment you grew up in.
8. His wife argues with him and automatically people assume its intelligence does anyone here know the mans’ wife for you to know that she is intelligent? Dumb comments
9. When the writer talks about intimidation, where is it written in the mans story that he is intimidated by his wife.
I wish you all the best Benedict, be a Man and above all be a prayerful Man and seek Wisdom, knowledge and Understanding from God. Cheers
Some of you are getting the message all wrong but I don’t blame you guys because if you understood the guys message well, then you would have a clearer meaning. He said the wife is lazy and dirty and has tried to handle the situation in the best ways possible but to no avail before the slap which he later regretted. Had similar experience. Some women can be so annoying that at times you just wonder How she was raised
This is interesting. First, for the guy struggling with alchohol, please, do not pray the death prayer. The fear of death does not stop evil – ask those smuggling drugs into indonesia. See a Christian counsellor when you are really ready to quit. It depends on your will because God’s grace is available already.
For the other man, it is well. Apologize to your wife. She is dirty, you clean the house. Show her love, pray for and about her. Why is she arguing? You need to hear her contribution too. She ain’t a dummy. Remember when you guys were dating! God bless your union.
Kudos to Agkay’s for his wise commenst. I will advise Ben to work on his self esteem and be secured in himself. This is because I found out most men whose sense of insecurity are high are easily threatened by women. Also, I will like to appeal to Mr Praise to help come up with messages for our women on how they can reduce the incidence of domestic violents. I feel we have been tagging men as the only factor in this issue. This lopsided approach does not work and will not work because it has not been working for the followers of many people who canvass such school of thoughts. Thanks
Firstly let me address Babatunde’s issue. There is a saying in Yoruba that a mad man is heal the very day he realize he’s mad. For you to know that what you are doing is bad and dangerous to your health alone is enough to make you quit the habit.
Since you realize it that the habit is detrimental to your health, you don’t need any counselor or pastor to heal you. You are the only one that can heal yourself. And I believe you’ve been healed for your to realize that you are addicted.
As for Ben, firstly you should thank your star for having a wife that argues with you. It shows your wife is intelligent although her presentation might be provoking. You should understand that many people are fighting their wives because they don’t contribute to the decision making because they lack the capacity. Secondly, not all women will submit to you except your wife. If she has another habit you are not too comfortable with, you can make her change. It depends on how you present it to her.
The bible make us to understand that wives should submit to their husbands and husbands love ur wife. As Christ love the church. And if ur wife like u said is dirty. Maybe she is d office type or busy person. . Not like a full 24hours house wife. U should put her in considerations. Eg. Going to work.traffic jams. Work stress. Family. Children. And also coming back home to satisty u at night. This is too much. U can always help her out. Most times. At least that will keep her moving smart and fit. Show her love. And by raising your hands up to her. Is bad. Because assuming u hit her d wrong place because u were sad what will u had done later. Or u hit her and she fell down and die. What will happen to u. And I don’t think there is any where in the God ask wives to workhard and die working for their husbands. Or u must wash this and do that. She is not ur slave but your soulmate. Your soulmate cos she was taken out from your ribs. Mind u she might be a weaker vessels. But a vessels can carry so many things that comes its way. It can be moved from it owner to another owner but it virtues still retains.and when men complains too much and saying he regrets marrying her. A woman u made a vow and covenant with. In the house of God. Witnessed by many. Then something is wrong. Maybe ubhave bee visiting or paying bat tent ion to some other women but dear brother. The devil u know is better than DAT angeli that is trying to take your heart and soul away. Pay attention to ur wife. And know ybshe complains. Lesson to her. And solve the problem together. There is no smoke with fire. There is no perfect woman and man. Even ur own sister or brother from the same parents most times do have misunderstanding. Then how much more the women u did not grow from the same roof with. Marriage is a school where u can never learn what is in it’s walls expect with patience. And pls wives. Husband are husbands. They are lions in the jungle. They want to be in charge. And most times they act as babies. They want something at a particular time and that is that. But I think Cambridge argument starts just like them be. Maybe u can just overlook it and talk it over later. There are cool times u can talk. When,where,and how. They also have weak point. They are our husbands. We need to give them d honour and respect they need it doesn’t matter if u climb Cambridge university or not. Love is the greatest of all.
Excuse guys; but what will happen to the man if he cleans the house?