BY TOBI YUSUF

Advertisement

There are many reasons why people get married; love, companionship, security, and beauty are typical ones. While I cannot prescribe a reason why you should marry, I must emphasise that whatever your reason is, it must be one that can stand the test of time and withstand the varied storms and challenges that will rock the boat of your marriage.

So, why did I get married? Interestingly, I did not have full clarity of my “why” when I was preparing to tie the knot a decade ago. I knew that I loved my fiancé; we were young, freshly graduated from university and marriage seemed like the logical next step. I had butterflies in my stomach, had peace of mind concerning my fiancé and I couldn’t wait to build a family with him. Clarity came during a pre-marital counselling session with my pastor. She said, “Sister Tobi, Brother Bayo really loves you, which is something you have always wanted in a man.” Immediately a light bulb went on in my head and I realised what she said was true; my desire had always been for a man who would love me more than he loves himself. This was ‘why’ I married my husband, and it has remained my anchor ever since.

Working with various clients over the years as an events planner, however, I have discovered that not everyone who is married or about to get married has identified their why. There was this young couple whose marriage would not have seen the light of day because of a lack of clearly defined ‘why’. The lady is black American while the man is British-Nigerian. As they prepared for their wedding, cultural differences-related issues arose. The man’s parents wanted a large wedding with all the fanfare associated with many Nigerian weddings while the lady wanted something simple. The pressure was worse because being the first son, the man could not refuse his parents.

Advertisement

One day, I got a message from the couple out of the blue saying they were not proceeding with the wedding. I was surprised and worried, not because of an unwillingness to refund the deposit they had paid but because I knew there was more to the story. Luckily, I found out what the problem was, and I asked the lady to tell me her why. I asked her to look beyond the cultural differences and examine if she loved the man enough to build a home with him. Her answer was “yes” and with this sorted, it was easy to work through the other challenges. The wedding went on as planned and the marriage is still going strong.

This lovely young couple would have joined the statistics of failed relationships had they not defined their why at that critical time, and this is why I counsel everyone planning for marriage to do the same. Beauty will fade, butterflies will fly away, and wealth may disappear, however, a marriage built on a clearly defined why will not lose its magic.

It’s your turn now. Why did you or why do you want to get married to that man or woman? Have you defined it? If you haven’t, please take out time to do so.

Advertisement

Tobi Yusuf, founder of RIAH Events & Weddings, Relationship Mentor, and convener of Love Connect – a community empowering couples and singles to build meaningful connections.



Copyright 2025 TheCable. All rights reserved. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from TheCable.

Follow us on twitter @Thecablestyle