BY TOBI YUSUF
Let’s be honest, no one loves taking out the trash. It’s smelly, sometimes messy, and usually the last thing anyone wants to do after a long day. But for some couples, this simple chore often turns into a silent standoff or even a full-blown argument. So, who should take out the trash?
Here’s the thing: it’s not really about the trash. It’s about how couples handle the everyday stuff — like dishes, laundry, sweeping, grocery shopping — and whether both people feel like they’re pulling their weight. Trash duty is just one piece of the bigger “who does what around here” puzzle.
In a lot of relationships, especially ones influenced by old-school gender roles, chores tend to fall along traditional lines. Maybe the woman cooks and cleans, while the man takes out the trash and fixes the sink.
But in real life, especially when both people work, have busy schedules, or just aren’t into playing by outdated rules, that kind of division doesn’t always work.
What am I proposing? Talk about it. Seriously. It might feel awkward at first, but having an open conversation about who handles which chores can save you from a lot of frustration down the line.
If one person doesn’t mind taking out the trash but really hates folding clothes, and the other loves tidying up but forgets about trash day, you can work something out that is fair.
The goal isn’t to split everything 50/50 like a math equation, but to make sure both partners in the relationship feel like things are balanced.
And let’s not forget the mental load, that invisible work of remembering when the trash is collected, noticing when the bin is full, or keeping track of the grocery list. It’s not just about doing the chore; it’s also about thinking ahead, planning, and caring. That load needs to be shared, too.
When both partners are willing to pitch in, adapt, and support each other, you hit the sweet spot: it stops being about “your job” or “my job” and becomes our home, our life, our responsibilities.
So, who should take out the trash? Maybe you, maybe them. Maybe you take turns, or maybe one of you takes it out while the other handles the dishes. As long as you both feel seen, supported, and appreciated, that trash bag becomes just another small way of saying, “I’ve got you.”
Because love isn’t just in the big moments — it’s also in taking the trash out without being asked, wiping the counters, or making the bed. In the end, it’s not about the chore, it’s about teamwork
Tobi Yusuf, founder of RIAH Events & Weddings, Relationship Mentor, convener of Love Connect – a community empowering couples and singles to build meaningful connections.
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