When guys aren’t ready for a relationship and they just to keep having sex instead, they play a lot of cards just to keep it going. Times like these are unbeknown to you and you instead end up falling for the antics. Here are their most common cards.
The exclusivity card. Maybe we can think about being exclusive soon. There’s nothing like hearing “maybe I’ll stop sleeping with other people in the coming months, maybe not, tough to say” to really make me start falling in love.
The too-good-to-be-true card. This is usually used as an excuse as to why they can’t commit or date you anymore. That’s right. I was too good of a girlfriend. Just too great. So great he had to move to Michigan and marry someone else to get away from my greatness, which was physically hurting him because it was too great, etc etc.
The not-the-right-time card. Yeah, that’s fair. February is a shit time to find someone you have fun with and connect with on all levels. That’s more of a March situation right there.
The commitment uncertainty card. Literally anything that comes after this should incorporate tiny violins playing alongside him because that is how garbagey and hilarious whatever he’s about to say is. If you wanted to be with me, you would. Period. I never say, “I want to win a million dollars, but…” because I legit want to win a million dollars. The end.
The let’s-not-complicate-things card. Oh, you mean as in “totally murky and weird because we have no idea what’s going on between the two of us?” Yeah, can’t stand in the way of that incredibly fun time I’m not having at all.
The you-deserve-better card. This is some smooth-ass bullshit. See also: “You deserve someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved,” which is something an ex actually said to me once. And though I still think he was an idiot, to be fair, I absolutely did deserve that and he did not give it to me at all, so…
The why-don’t-we-just-do-movies-at-mine card. You mean do I want you to be too lazy to actually take me out somewhere amazing and then try to feel me up within the first 20 minutes of Inherent Vice? Not really.
The not-ready-for-a-relationship card. Translation: “I do not want to be in a relationship with you, in particular, probably ever. While my commitment issues may be even more far-reaching than that, it’s tough to say, so again, it’s probs just how I feel about you.”
The I’ll be at a bar with my friends around 11 p.m. You should swing by card. This one is hilariously lazy. “Hey, so I’ll already be at this place tonight anyway, so when you show up, you’ll probably have to meet, like, five of my friends even though you’re not even sure whether or not you like me. And also I had to put in zero effort to see you. Also I have no idea what time I’ll actually be there. You in?”
The we-should-get-together-this-weekend card. You know that random call where he just expects you’re on that “I’ll make sure my calendar is clear on the off chance that you want to hang” which you will do and the most he would do is to invite you to his for a drink and, maybe, sex.
The wanting-to-“meet up later” instead of making an actual plan card. He calls you five minutes to the actual time before he wants to meet up and you’re giggly because, obviously he knows you are waiting for that call to ask to be picked up and of course you are always ready.
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