It took me so much to be able to bring this up because I felt something was not right and I knew I hadn’t been fairly treated so decided to send this to you.
I lost my hubby many years ago and every since I had given my time to her and church activities. My pastor has been actively involved in our lives offering counsel and even though I heard gist about some of his sexual issues from rumours around I never really believed any so I was not conscious of what could happen since he never made any passes at me.
My life came to an end last summer when he asked for permission to allow my 14-year-old join up with his younger kids on our annual vacation. I was not totally bothered because I knew his wife would be on the trip but was shocked when my daughter returned from the trip broken and shattered. It was tough for her to eventually open up to me about how pastor fingered and eventually raped her during the trip.
I took her to the hospital immediately and doctor’s report showed she had been raped. I almost lost my mind and took it up with one of our elders who promised to do something about it but ended up counseling me never to touch the anointed of God. He said I should leave him to God but I feel hard done and bottled it up ever since until I started reading your column and felt I should run this by you.
Janet I, Sapele
Thanks so much for trusting me with this sensitive story of yours. I must let you know that this is the sad reality in Africa although I must also add that we have so many other credible pastors so not all pastors are bad.
Having said that may I say that often times we lose a good case simply because we don’t know how to go about the case. Rape is an offence in Nigeria and it is no respecter of position and status. The matter should have been taken to the police immediately and further to the ministry of women affairs in your state and something would have been done.
The most grossly misunderstood scripture in Africa is ‘Touch not my anointed’ and that is why religious leaders get away with criminal activities that should have landed them in jail in other saner countries.
A rapist is a rapist whether he wears the cloak of a pastor or the uniform of a major general and it was done as a citizen of a nation that has zero tolerance for rape.
My counsel would be for you to get a sound lawyer or a good child rights activists who can take up the case. The good thing is that you still have the doctor’s report so it is not a last case. May I say that if you do nothing you would have empowered the same man to mess up other girls.
In other nations pastors have gone to jail and heavens did not fall and for the records putting a rapist in jail is not touching the anointed because he stopped being the anointing the moment he violated your girl. Let me even stretch this further by saying that touch not my anointed was not talking about a human being; God was speaking about the nation Israel and not the man Moses unfortunately in Africa we have restricted that to a man and not a people so in this case your girl was the anointed and you were also the anointed and since a rapist pastor has touched God’s anointed he deserves to be punished.
You owe it to that girl to ensure justice is done and please you owe it to yourself as well. May I finally request you take that girl for some form of professional counseling because her esteem must be rebuilt.
Two guys are on my neck for marriage
I am 29 and a manager in a telecoms company and I have been dating 2 guys even though they have never met because of my past relationships where the guy eventually disappointed so I made up my mind never to be caught in the web of heart break any more. My plan initially was to play these guys but I later realized I am loving these 2 guys. Now they are asking for my hand in marriage and I feel guilty that I am going to break someone’s heart.
Please I need help
Chidinma U, Abuja
I must celebrate your honesty and from what you sent you already explained your patterns as well which you may not be aware of. But I must also say that you have allowed an event in your life to kick start a new you that wanted to get back to at others and that is why you are where you are at the moment.
Coming back to loving the two of them I may not be totally sure you have ever sat down to define what love means to you? So can you honestly answer the following questions:
- What are your values?
- What is love to you?
- What future do you see for yourself and who is best suited to support you to achieve it?
- What is the vision of these guys and who are you best prepared to assist achieve his dreams?
- Who would have been a best friend to you if marriage wasn’t in the equation?
I think you need to answer these questions to be able to arrive at a choice but I would have to open up to these guys and let them take a decision from an informed position and this helps you also know the one that truly loves you.
You need to do this because foundations are conclusions and the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. The last thing you would want to do is to manipulate people into a relationship.
I still believe you deserve to love and be loved and I believe you deserve the best. At the end of it all please take a decision that serves your best interest without necessarily hurting others.
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