BY TOBI YUSUF
Which are you? The mom/dad who defends their child(ren) even if their spouse is hurt because “blood is thicker than water” or the one who’d rather defend their spouse no matter the circumstance because “the nest will someday be empty” and the only one that’d stand by them at that time is that man/woman who they call their wife/hubby?
Parenting is hard, and more often than not, parents often lose themselves in a bid to give their children the best experiences. I am not saying this is bad, but parents really need to watch out for themselves and their relationships, also. Whether we like it or not, those we call children today will blossom into adulthood tomorrow and become parents themselves. In turn, they have their own lives to live, and their parents would become secondary in their lives. Why burn bridges that will be the main source of support later in life, then?
Of a truth, blood is thicker than water, but again, you probably met your spouse first (except in cases of remarriage). You should treat your children absolutely well, but your partner should never be left at the back of the burner, except, of course, if they are unnecessarily aggressive, intolerant, or plain abusive to your children. In which case, the union is already awkward and must be reviewed.
Generally, your spouse should never put you in a position where you have to choose between them and your kids (especially if the children are in their formative years or are young adults) because in this kind of situation, there is compromise already, and the relationship may need to be redefined. For as much as a spouse or partner cannot be disrespected, the welfare of the child(ren) should be paid the utmost attention. For all you know, they did not choose to be in this world; we brought them in and must be responsible enough to raise them right.
My thoughts are:
- Children will hardly feel disrespected or choose to be the source of conflict between their parents/parents’ partner(s) if they are raised right and in a loving environment.
- A spouse/partner who genuinely cares about you will hardly ever demand that you choose them over your children.
- A spouse who is properly loved and genuinely catered for will not feel disrespected nor ask that you abandon your children either.
So, in all, there is a need for balance! Love your man/woman right. Love your children to the point where no force can convince them otherwise. Afterwards, make everybody understand their place and their contributions to the growth of the bond you share – family. I am certain that with these few but practical steps, you will not have to choose one party at the detriment of the other, and the unique bond of family will become stronger and bind us tighter yet much more beautifully.
Watch out for ‘My Will My Choice’ next week. Thanks for always reading.
Tobi Yusuf, founder of RIAH Events & Weddings, Relationship Mentor, convener of Love Connect – a community empowering couples and singles to build meaningful connections.
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