I had just come back from Shoprite, hot sun, long queue, and that damn parking ticket that never scans. On the way out, I stopped by this new café. Fancy place. Cold air conditioning. Music is playing softly. I just wanted something sweet. Small treat.
I bought an ice cream and a banana bread. ₦6,500. Yes, I saw the price. No, I didn’t blink. I deserved it.
When I got home, tired, carrying like five nylon bags, the first thing my husband said was,”₦6,500 for ice-cream? Are you mad?”
I laughed at first. I thought he was joking.
He wasn’t.
He went straight to his monologue. “We’re trying to save. School fees are around the corner. The generator needs servicing. You’re buying ice cream like you’re Dangote’s niece.”
I lost it.
I started shouting too. “Do you know how many things I don’t buy? Do you know how many times I put things back on the shelf because I’m thinking of this house? Do you know how many wants I swallow every single week?”
He said, “So what? You’re not the only one making sacrifices!”
And there it was.
See, it wasn’t about the ₦6,500. It was about the emotional exhaustion. About two people who haven’t breathed in months, trying to survive Lagos, inflation, adulthood, parenting, marriage without falling apart.
That ice-cream? It was me trying to feel normal again. Like a woman. Like myself. Not just mummy. Not just wife. Not just a walking Excel spreadsheet for budgeting. It was a small attempt to reclaim my personal space and identity within the confines of our marriage.
Later that night, we didn’t talk.
But in the dark, just before I turned over to sleep, I whispered, “I just wanted something that was mine today.”
He didn’t answer for a while. Then he said, “Me too.”
That was all.
No big apology, no dramatic kiss, just silence and understanding. I realised that’s love, too. It’s about mutual understanding and acceptance.
Thank you, Mrs A, for your story, clarity, trust, and mutual understanding supersede how much we have and need.
Visit marriageandmoney.com.ng for money conversation templates to help you and the person you wish to share love and life with.
Adetutu Afolabi is a Personal Freedom Coach helping families build wealth through aligned values and intentional living. She believes strong relationships are key to lasting financial freedom
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