BY ADETUTU AFOLABI
In any marriage, money isn’t just currency. It’s conversation, compromise, and, sometimes, conflict. Defining who handles what in a household is a delicate negotiation for many couples. It’s not always about who earns more or who’s “better with numbers,” but how two people with different habits and mindsets can co-create a sustainable financial rhythm.
Many couples struggle with a financial mismatch. One partner may be highly organized, balancing the budget, tracking every expense, and planning for future goals. The other might take a more relaxed, present-focused approach, viewing money as a tool for enjoyment and spontaneity. This contrast in financial behaviour can lead to misunderstandings, tension, and emotional strain if not addressed early and intentionally.
Disagreements often arise not because one partner is wrong but because there’s no shared strategy. Questions like “Who should be in charge of the money?” or “Does the person who earns more get more say?” are common, and they miss the bigger picture. The key issue is not assigning all responsibility to one person but creating a balanced, cooperative financial structure that reflects both partners’ values and strengths.
Think of money as a river. When both partners guide their flow, they can avoid the floods of overspending and the droughts of unmet goals. But when one person tries to dam it up alone, the pressure often leads to cracks in the relationship.
So, how do you define financial roles that strengthen rather than strain your partnership?
Start with transparency. Have open, judgment-free conversations about money habits, priorities, and fears.
What does financial security look like to each of you? What are your short- and long-term goals?
Divide tasks, not responsibility. One partner might naturally manage the monthly budget or oversee investments, while the other handles daily spending or tracks bills. That division is fine as long as both are informed, involved, and aligned in their vision.
Review regularly. Just like careers and family dynamics evolve, so should your financial roles. Set monthly check-ins to evaluate your progress and recalibrate as needed.
Ultimately, managing money in marriage isn’t about assigning blame or control; it’s about building a system that honours both people’s strengths and values. A financially healthy marriage is one where roles are clearly defined, but decisions are made together.
When both partners take ownership, money becomes less of a stress point and more of a tool for building the life they truly want.
Adetutu Afolabi is a Personal Freedom Coach helping families build wealth through aligned values and intentional living. She believes strong relationships are key to lasting financial freedom.
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