Communication is key in every relationship.


Often times than none, the problem in a chaotic relationship has nothing to do with the lack of communication but the inability to listen or be a good listener.

Some of the causes of poor listening borders on;



Your busy schedule has created the perfect alibi for procrastinating, one which you draw from its ocean to make an excuse for why you can’t be in the moment and pay attention to your significant other’s fuss.


Even when you are with your significant other, you can’t seem to give them your full attention. Your mind has a tendency to wander off, away from the moment.


Lack of adequate sleep

Lack of sleep makes one groggy and cranky- which aren’t the best attributes for an alone talking time with your significant other.


You find the topic being discussed particularly boring and can’t wait for it to be over, making it nearly impossible to concentrate on the matter at hand.



Jumping to conclusions and assuming or completing the sentence of the opposite half before he/she gets to say it can be discouraging and demoralising for whoever is yearning for a listening ear.

Thinking of the perfect response

Getting caught up trying to find the perfect response to what your partner has to say in an attempt to be defensive hinders you from paying attention to what is being addressed.


Your voice always wins

You enjoy being the one whose voice gets heard above everyone else and who has the final say in every discussion, which makes you tend to always hijack the conversation.


Distractions can come in variants, sizes, shapes, and weight. They tend to cause a major barrier for your ability to listen.


How to solve it

A lot of snooze time

Sleep early and sleep well. There are factors that could be affecting your sleeping habits and you need to get them checked. Because, if you are rested, you will see the difference in your performance levels, and your interactions with people.

Learn to focus

Especially in relationships that have conflicts, concentration on the discussion at hand is essential.  If you listen keenly to what the other person is trying to tell you, it may make perfect sense and you may fully grasp the point they are trying to convey. It is vital to understand before making judgments.

Make eye contact

Keep your eyes on the speaker. Meet the eyes of the person speaking to you so that you are more inclined to keep your mind on the topic at hand.

Provide a suitable environment

Try to eliminate every form of distractions. A  quiet room with privacy would suffice, which ensures that you will not be disturbed, and preferably away from extraneous influences.

Be interested

Be genuinely interested in what the other person is trying to tell you. Pay close attention and ask pertinent questions. Your significant other would be exhilarated that you are putting in an effort.

Try and recapitulate

Make mental notes, especially if you’re one to forget things easily. Review conversations and subsequently broach them so as to give your partner the opportunity to clarify anything you might have misinterpreted or missed altogether.

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