How to love your highly sensitive spouse

You may be married to a Highly Sensitive (HSP) individual and not have a clue. For starters, a Highly Sensitive Person is an individual who experiences acute emotional, mental, and physical responses to situations.

Basically, a highly sensitive person feels things more strongly than an average individual would.

It’s noteworthy that HSP is not a disorder or diagnosis. Neither is it a condition. It simply is a natural trait distributed to about 20 percent of the world’s population.

While being married to an HSP is a great experience, it also requires a lot of intentional steps by both parties.

• Alone time is important to them

While some sensitive people are introverts, some others are extroverts. However, highly sensitive people have one thing in common: the need to sometimes be alone.

It’s important to be aware that stimulation of any kind, from the environment and certain other factors can overwhelm the senses of your spouse. Consequently, they’ll need to get away to calm down.

You may notice that your highly sensitive spouse has a dedicated room in the house where they like to spend some alone time in. They may even go off for a couple of days. All the same, it’s important not to take this habit of theirs personally.

• Environment affects them

Recall that we’ve established that highly sensitive people are prone to be overwhelmed by their environment. This is common especially for places that are noisy or crowded. But that is not all.

You may be surprised that even a not-so-busy environment can overwhelm your HSP spouse. This is because highly sensitive people put too much energy into the processing elements around them like noise, people, light and even activity.

Understanding the possible triggers might help manage these simulations. For instance, talking to your spouse and finalizing a sort of signal between both of you in social functions. This way, should they feel overwhelmed, they can play out your secret signal, making it easier for them or both of you to make an exit.

• Do not rush them

If there is another thing highly sensitive people hate, it’s been rushed. They already have a lot on their mind and do not do well with making decisions [especially important ones] on the spot.

Knowing this, it’s important to exercise patience with your spouse, knowing that they might need a longer time than usual to make. You can be assured that being patient with your spouse will guarantee that decisions made in your relationship are solid.

• They’re not fans of conflict

While conflict for some individuals is no-no, it’s a horrible experience for highly sensitive people. This is because during conflict tensions are high, words are said and should be accompanied by quick responses. This makes conflict a major stimulation which will definitely overwhelm your partner.

While you work on avoiding putting your sensitive partner in a situation of conflict, it’s important that you’re also aware that they’ll do everything within their power to avoid conflict.

This may sound reassuring but it does its set of cons; meaning that your highly sensitive partner will avoid sharing their feelings should they suspect it’d lead to conflict. So while you may be in a conflict-free relationship, there’s a high chance your spouse may be keeping quiet on their needs. Building a safe space for your partner is therefore important. Speak to them and encourage them to share whatever they’re bearing in mind.

• Never make fun of their sensitivity

Except you do not have the interest of your spouse at hand, it is important never to make fun of their trait. Never taunt them, or comment to them as ‘being too sensitive’, ‘taking things too seriously’, or reminding them that ‘it’s not that deep’.

Instead, what you should do is do well to understand them, listen to them, be there for them, and love them.

Again, remember that being highly sensitive is not a condition, or disorder but an individual’s natural, God-given trait. Therefore, if you can learn how to love your highly sensitive partner better and be the partner they can always lean on.