I need help with my relationship that is about to hit the rocks because my guy feels I may not make a good wife for him. Things were very ok when the relationship started until he started asking me to come cook and wash his clothes which I declined, and from that moment things haven’t remained the same. Should I go ahead to dance to his tunes because I don’t want to lose this relationship.
Thanks for your mail and I really thank you for trusting me to help out with this problem. I think you need to settle the issue of identity or mistaken identity with this guy and here are some questions the two of you might need to trash out:
- Are you a lover or a house keeper?
- Does he want a wife or a dry cleaner?
- What is his definition of a wife or woman?
If you can get him to answer those 3 questions you would know if you need to stay or not because I am not sure what he wants is a wife. A man is not doing you a favour by asking you out so no one should feel your life would end if he doesn’t marry you except where the guy feels you are desperate. Whatever you won’t do in marriage you have to begin to reject from now. How was he washing his clothes and fixing his meals before he met you?
I am not against lovers assisting themselves however it must be a privilege and not a right whatever is done in courtship. It is obvious you are seeing a typical traditional guy and if that is not the future you want please take a decision that protects your interest. Never take an emotional decision about your future because what makes a good wife has got nothing to do with her ability to do laundry except where she intends to start a laundry firm (lol)
Please have a meeting with him and know what is in his mind but don’t feel bad if you lose the relationship because you have exercised your right as a human being but not sure the guy is comfortable with that right. I guess he wants a thing that he wants to use and not a being that should be respected.
It is well with you.
How do I tell my wife about my baby mama
I never knew something like this happens on cable until I mistakenly stumbled on it and must let you know that you are God sent. I was most impressed with your response to issues and for the first time I felt I have found someone who would be able to help out with what is killing me.
I have been married for 7 years to a lovely woman but things were so tough in our first 3years that we almost went our separate ways and it was a period of depression for me which led me into the hands of another lady who unfortunately used to be close to my wife. She was a confidant during that crisis but one thing led to another and I slept with her which unfortunately resulted into pregnancy. She moved to Ghana till she put to bed and contacted me afterwards. My world was shattered but she promised she wasn’t going to make any trouble as long as I took care of upkeep which I have been doing but the guilt of my secret life is killing me. Please what do you advise me to do?
Femi I – Lagos
I can tell from your mail how difficult it must have been for you to open up about this issue and trust me you are not the only man going through this neither will you be the last so that should make you calm down a bit. Mistakes happen every now and then but what we do with our mistakes is what differentiates real men from cowards.
As much as many may want to cast stones and kill you for what has happened I’d rather appreciate you for accepting paternity for that child because I know a lot of men who denied their seeds however keeping it away from your wife could be more damaging ultimately if you don’t do something because ultimately there is no secret anywhere especially because your wife is a friend to your baby mama.
The process of breaking the news is where the issues is and care must be taken so that you can effectively navigate that aspect because it would involve a lot of damage control and trust management. So my counsel would be for you to look for someone that both of you hold in high esteem and for you to confide in the person about what has happened. I will suggest you also prepare your mind for an unpleasant response from your wife and kids. It is expected but with your sincere heart and humility you will rebuild every broken trust and relationship.
Your wife will surely be devastated and that is expected because she is human but I am sure if the person breaking the news is a skilled counsellor things would be better managed. The last thing you want is for your wife to discover what has happened by herself so I suggest you break the news yourself and ask for her forgiveness and give her room to heal after which you can then take a decision on the child that is involved.
In all of these a lot of man management is required on all sides which I believe will eventually lead to a reconciliation and restoration.
God bless you.
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