BY TOBI YUSUF
If I asked you, you would probably name sexual infidelity at the top of the list of lines never to cross in a romantic relationship. But is infidelity the only taboo in a romantic relationship? Of course not. As intolerable as the sin of infidelity is, it may not break some relationships, but unfortunately, many relationships do not survive it either.
It is a real worm that does not spare a relationship, no matter how loving or beautiful it is. What’s worse is that it remains a tender spot, touchy and painful whenever the topic is brought up, whether knowingly or otherwise. But are there other equally heinous crimes never to commit in a relationship? definitely.
Below are five of them:
Exploitation of vulnerabilities: This, for me, is the most intolerable sin ever! You should never make your partner unsafe because you know something others do not know about them. If you love me, and I do love you too, we should never make our weaknesses, be it physical, emotional, or otherwise, a weapon of warfare between us.
You, as a matter of fact, must be ready to protect me from every form of predator that may want to feast on these weaknesses and not join in the feast or even be the one to serve the meal.
Lying: Whatever you do, never lie to your partner, especially when you know there would be consequences in your journey together that would require accountability. The truth always has a way of coming to the surface and at times, in the most unusual places and times. What’s more, a broken trust may never be mended again. Telling the truth may save you a lot of (future) heartaches.
Financial Unfaithfulness: Interestingly, this is an area that is easy to lie about. Maybe you have been lying about this area of your life for a long, and “getting away” with it, but trust me, the day you get busted, you may suffer more losses than you can ever imagine. As far as I am concerned on this matter, I think it is better to have clean breasts but draw boundaries.
If you are the type who does not joke with their money, let your partner know beforehand so that they do not cross the line, thereby straining your relationship.
Childcare: Whether they are your biological children, adopted children, or your spouse’s children, you should never maltreat any child. If your spouse had a child before you met them and you cannot bear being around their children or any child at all, please do let your spouse/partner know. This is not a condition to lie about. Your spouse may be willing to compromise on certain grounds, however, it is best if you marry someone whose ideology matches yours.
Abuse: This cannot be overemphasized. Do not even begin the thought of abusing your partner; it never ends well. I know you know that every action begins with a thought. So, the moment you begin to catch yourself thinking ill towards or planning to hurt your partner, please banish the thought. What you do not entertain dies a natural death, while that which you nourish would blossom into the evil even you cannot see yourself carrying out. When they hurt you and you cannot bear it, please communicate your feelings to them. If the differences are unresolvable, please seek other means than inflicting harm. Something as basic as the silent treatment can cause another person to have a mental breakdown. So, please do not cross the line of abuse.
Of course, there are other numerous “do not cross lines” in marriage, but these are just a few that I think we could consider for now and which I think are germane to healthy relationships. So, I’d conclude by stating that the place of communication cannot be overemphasized and should NEVER be overlooked when making the choice of life/romantic partner.
Thank you for reading to the end. I would also like to hear from you about what other factors you regard as deal breakers in your relationship.
Tobi Yusuf, founder of RIAH Events & Weddings, Relationship Mentor, convener of Love Connect – a community empowering couples and singles to build meaningful connections
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