Sometime ago, popular blogger, Linda Ikeji, revealed a rather personal and controversial secret to her readers she has following her blog. This isn’t the first time such a public figure would be revealing such personal secrets to the ‘world’. If you missed it, here’s the post below:
I haven’t been with a man in so long, that I hardly remember what it feels like anymore. Mostly for two reasons; One, I was brought up in a kind of way. I have to really be into someone before I can share my body with them, and I haven’t met anyone special in a long while, so I’ve been riding solo. It makes me very sad sometimes…
Secondly, I’ve never really enjoyed sex. And I blame it on the fact that I was circumcised. Some things were cut off, so there’s not much sensation down there. I mean, I enjoyed intimacy and when the tongue was at work, but penetration was a different case. Half the time, I couldn’t wait for him to get off me. (I can’t believe I’m writing all these on the Internet). So usually, I tell myself why seek something you don’t particularly enjoy? What’s the point really? So I’ve basically just stayed away.
But lately I have been feeling somehow and I think it’s time to get my groove back. I want to feel like a woman again, so I’ve decided to find a man before the end of the year. But I don’t want to be turned off sex again. As a circumcised woman, how can I make myself enjoy sex? Does circumcision even have anything to do with it? That’s always been my belief because other circumcised women I’ve spoken with say they don’t enjoy sex either… at least not as much as women who were not circumcised.
After she posted such controversial piece, she got a lot of reviews and comments, some proffering solutions to her problem, others agreeing with her opinion. Amongst them was an old acquaintance that got heed of her predicament and decided to offer a ‘friendly’ advice. Her advice: “My dear, if you don’t enjoy vaginal sex why don’t you try anal sex?” Of course, that ended their friendship as Linda took offence in such an obscure advice wondering why she would have to go through pain to attain pleasure.
A Parent’s Pride
Female Circumcision, otherwise known as female genital mutilation, involves the cutting-off of the clitoris, the most sensitive part of the female orifice. In the ancient days, circumcision was perceived to be a sign of comportment when it came to promiscuity. It was seen as a sure cure for sexual promiscuity among women. Then it was believed that female genital mutilation supposedly helped to ward off certain kinds of diseases in women.
Though considered as barbaric, the hygienic potentials of female circumcision commend it to successive generations of families save for, of course, the many superstitious beliefs such as women who are not circumcised make love to spirits in their sleep who, in turn, cause unhealthy appetite for sexual intercourse. It is also said that such women give birth to Ogbanje (Abiku).
With such unwholesome tales, out of fear and possible stigmatization, most mothers make sure that they circumcised their daughters. It was even perceived that men had their wives put on chastity belts worn around their private part before they left for the farm so that their wives do not seek other men. As time progressed, parents particularly took pride in this act. They couldn’t help the respect they attained from friends and foes at the assertion that their daughter had been circumcised oblivious to the possible detrimental effects it could pose to the girl child. All they knew at that time was that they could flaunt the fact that their daughter wouldn’t run around demanding for sexual intercourse.
A Societal Advantage and Disadvantage
Being female and circumcised isn’t as mandatory as that of the male which was ordained by God, but it is done to arrest the interest and arousal for sex by the womenfolk i.e. promiscuity and to some, avoid giving birth to children, who would live for short periods of time, die and come back to their mothers’ wombs only to be born and continue the cycle, bringing grief and pain to the family.
The process of female genital mutilation, called clitoridectomy in modern medicine, involves the instrument of the art used to perform this inspires much awe with its crudity and savage look. A hard metal carving knife is usually used in cutting the clitoris, whereupon herbal concoctions are used to stop blood flow and ameliorate the excruciating pains. As the baby cries, the mother takes pleasure in the feeling that, at least, she has a normal woman made ready for her husband’s ecstasy. To further speed up the healing process, palm oil is applied to the wound intermittently using a feather to spread the oil along the cut edges of the former position occupied by the clitoris.
The parents are satisfied knowing that their daughter won’t be prone to sexual demands and would abhor or prevent them from bringing shame to the family. It was their reason then and it still is their reason now, although most doctors seem to reveal that their only obligation to perform the operation is to prove that modern science can be a lot safer than traditional science.
However, having involved the cutting off of the most needed sexual organ, a girl is likely not to ever get sexually aroused or ever feel or have an orgasm. This affects her in her early stages in life when she becomes sexually active and most likely in marriage as even though the probability of her being faithful is high, it could affect the sexual relationship between her and her spouse.
Apparently, the parents wish has indeed being granted but has in turn marred a lady’s sexual life, which undeniably is a gift from God in her marriage. Most cases of such sexual instability lead to the annulment of the marriage as they are perceived by their spouse to be frigid in bed and the law allows for such reason for annulment. While most leads to the sought for alternative attainment of pleasure hence lesbianism. Some resort to the opposite sex for intercourse claiming it’s less demanding while others rather go for, though not healthy, anal sex like Linda’s ‘friend’ advised.
There is, however, no cure for such predicament except a lady finds one who truly loves her and is willing to forfeit whatever plight she might have. This doesn’t affect childbirth or pregnancy so the marriage will indeed be fruitful. Her spouse should work towards discovering other spots on her body that can ignite her sexual feeling again as anything from a simple touch can cause an arousal. But this demands patience and a lot of time and love.
NB: If you need to talk to a doctor concerning this, please mail [email protected]
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