A couple once shared with me how every budgeting conversation turned into an argument.
She’d say, “Let’s plan better.”
He’d shut down, replying, “Why do you always think I’m not doing enough?”
They weren’t fighting about money. They were speaking two different emotional languages, and neither one felt understood.
When it comes to money in marriage, the numbers aren’t the real problem; the meaning behind the numbers is. For some, planning feels like peace. For others, it feels like pressure.
One person sees budgeting as a way to protect the home.
The other sees it as a sign of distrust. It’s not about who’s right, it’s about realising: You’re both speaking different love languages when it comes to money.
Psychologists say that we all develop attachment styles, the ways we react to fear, closeness, and control.
Those patterns don’t disappear when we say “I do.”
They show up in our wallets, our spending habits, and our silence during budgeting talks.
So the question isn’t, “How can we stop fighting?”
It’s, “Do we understand the language each of us speaks when money enters the room?”
Because behind every financial disagreement is a more resounding cry:
“Do you hear me?”
“Do I still matter to you when we don’t agree?”
Couples who thrive financially aren’t just great with money.
They’re great at listening.
They take time to learn each other’s emotional triggers, stories, and fears.
They ask questions like, “What does security look like to you?” or “Why does this expense feel tense?”
And when understanding grows, peace follows.
If you and your spouse are tired of budgeting with tension instead of teamwork, we’ve created tools to help you speak the same language emotionally and financially.
Visit marriageandmoney.com.ng to explore conversation guides, budgeting templates, and tools that help you connect, not just calculate.
Because budgeting isn’t just about naira.
It’s about knowing how to love each other through money.
Adetutu Afolabi is a Personal Freedom Coach helping families build wealth through aligned values and intentional living. She believes strong relationships are key to lasting financial freedom
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