Just like any bitter pill, breakups are hard to swallow. It gets worse if you were emotionally invested in the relationship. The closest lover to breakups is regret. Sooner than later, you begin to reminisce on what could have been done better and the chances of both of you getting back together. These are signs you are still obsessing over your ex. If you keep replaying the scenes of your break-up again and again in your mind or keep going over the reasons why he left, it is time to give yourself a mental shake. 

Embrace the reality. This is the hardest part to do. Start by accepting your fate and what has happened. You deserve a few days of mourning what was once the most important thing in your life –but only a few days. In this period you are allowed to feel sad, angry and completely miserable. After that, it is time to bounce back into life and free your mind for new things ahead. 

Get rid of any guilt. Absolve yourself of any guilt that comes with a breakup, even if it means going for a confession in church. Stay away from the “what ifs” because you could go on and on and not be nearer to the crux of the problem. Just accept the fact that you have split and that it’s none of your doing. 

See it as a learning experience. There is always a lesson to be learnt from every life experience that would be of valuable use in your next step or relationship in life. Once you realise that you have learnt something from a failed relationship, it is likely to hurt less. 

Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. It is time to grab those boxes and do a clean up of his territorially-placed items around the house. Get up and about. Empty your bathroom cabinet of his aftershaves and toothbrushes but also getting rid of things like a joint credit card or a joint bank account. Remove him from your speed-dial and dissociate him from your social networks if need be. 

Focus on you. Make Beyoncé’s “Me, myself and I” your mantra henceforth. You are the person who matters most in this moment. Focus on being the person you are, on your priorities, the goals you want to set for yourself and the person that you eventually want to become. We get into another person’s life in relationships we often forget to live ours. Now is the time to make you number one again and take that trip across the world or finish school. 

Try something new. Move to a new city; try a new hairstyle, a new wardrobe or change jobs.  Try something new and good for you like a new workout routine. Not only will you be healthier than before, but your body will once again feel good about itself.



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