Beyond the sparks, 10 things you should know before marriage

Last weekend was greatly exciting not just because it was an extended one with a 2-day public holiday; but I also had the pleasure to attend a dinner event hosted by Sam Oye in Abuja, Nigeria.

It was a networking experience for single parents, widows, widowers, and matured singles above 35 years old. In the words of the host, the attendees all came looking beautiful as they interacted, laughed, danced, got informed and left inspired.

The thrust of the conversation was on what folks should look out for before walking down the aisle.

I was particularly inspired by the various points raised and it is my pleasure to present the ten checks that are important for full appraisal before considering marriage.

Purpose Connection Check: In checking for purpose connection, you should ensure that your assignments are aligned in every way. This is called finding purpose. Finding common grounds in your raison d’etre as regards life and purpose will certainly become the reason for staying in a relationship long after the sparks have waned.

Family Background Check: Knowledge of the predisposition of the family background of a potential partner is salient. You should do well to not ignore the family background pattern.

Personality Check: You need to understand the personality type of the individual and be sure to align yourself adequately. The four main personality types viz; Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Melancholic and Choleric have been studied extensively and devoting your time to decipher the compatibility of yours and a potential partner is a step in the right direction.

Integrity Check: If the integrity of the person you want to marry is questionable, don’t go further. One of the basic ways to check for integrity is by determining how the individual respects your time. Whoever does not value your time does not value your life. Financial integrity and emotional integrity are also other pointers to the presence or absence of integrity in the life of an individual.

Responsibility Check: This is pertinent in ascertaining the ability of an individual to walk the path of responsibility. Anyone who is not ready to take responsibility for thoughts and actions is not worthy of your time and commitment.

Parent Consent Check: Don’t just ignore the suggestions of your parent or to be parent-in-law. It is important to win their consent. What they think may not be useful but it is important.

Health Check: You don’t need to wait for too long and still end up getting it wrong. Check for genotype, blood type and Rhesus factor, libido test (seminal fluid analysis), terminal disease checks etc.

Love Language Check: Don’t just treat your partner based on your own love language. Find his/her love language and speak it. The five major love languages are acts of service, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, giving of gifts. It is important to know that you don’t generally show love to another in the way that you receive love.

Divine Confirmation Check: Marriage will truly test your relationship with God. Check the level of love for God that a potential partner has as this will greatly define the true love depth of the individual. A man/woman who doesn’t love God cannot love another individual. Having done all to keep a man/woman in your life, your prayer is what secures that partner and sustains the marriage.

Intellectual Compatibility Check: The absence of intellectual compatibility is a major reason for lack of communication in relationships. It is important that you understand your intellectual compatibility before making the big decision.

Blossom is a writer, compère and public servant. She co-founded, Digital Media Development Initiative, a non-profit that contributes to sustainable development of Nigeria’s individuals and organizations through the innovative use of Digital Media. She has increasingly become known as a gender equity advocate with her core messaging that demands non-compromise in valuing competence, capacity and character.

She currently works as the Technical Assistant on New Media to the Honorable Minister of State, Petroleum Resources. She lives in Abuja, Nigeria. To relax, she plays golf, dabbles with photography for www.applausenigeria.com and reads African Literature. She hopes to write a book one day while sharpening her writing skills on www.blossomozurumba.com.